Saturday, June 30, 2012

Sachurda

When I started this blog approximately 2 years & 1.5 months ago, I was at a horrible (to/for me) weight, 120ish. Afterwards, I lost some of that weight & yo-yo'd, etc. I hate to say that I am now 10 pounds heavier than where I started. It's not my heaviest ever (although it is my heaviest known since I lost pregnancy weight & even a little while before pregnancy, because I don't count my pregnancy weigh ins at the doctors).

If I could make a super sad face emoticon I so would. But instead... :( :( :(

I have no motivation, even though I am totally uncomfortable at this weight & have been wanting it to go back down & even when it has budged a little it goes back up & then some. For the longest while I was maintaining a couple pounds lighter than I am now.

I am hoping July is a good month for me. I would love more than anything to finally find motivation & lose weight. I would super love if I were able to do that without any severe restricting, fasts, or binging/purging. In other words, healthily.

So we will see how it goes. I know it is unlikely I will do it completely healthy whenever the motivation does come (I have faith that it will at some point, I just wish I would reach that point sooner rather than later), & while they may be horrible to know/say, I am hoping by acknowledging it that it will happen less frequently.

On a brighter note, it looks like I will be going full time at my current work place. I covered a maternity leave at the end of last year, which I may or may not have mentioned, & that very position is most likely opening up at the end of July & if it does, it is meant to be mine! So I will get to work more which will hopefully mean more distraction & more money. Which is also good because I am going to have to start paying on the student loans I have been deferring, which I am hoping I can get cut down based on how little I will be making. I am also going to look into getting internet at home again if I get to go full time so I can be online for various reasons (including Blogger). I still get on Blogger a lot to read (through mobile Google Reader), but it's hard to leave comments. So I still read, I just don't really get to post or leave comments. Or do Foto Fridays. :/

Anyways, that's my lil diddy for my periodically rarely posted posts for now. I hope you are all doing wonderfully! I think I am going to start using Twitter again, so if anyone else is there, add me (emryelle) & we can chat or whatever there. Even if you need to vent about ed stuff or life in general or just to say hi. I am going to go delete everyone I think on Twitter & start over, as I don't think a lot of them prolly are even around since most seemed to vacate before I quit checking it out, lol. Anyways, have a great July! Hopefully 'talk' to ya soon! :)

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