Thursday, September 30, 2010


I have 96 followers!  Like, that's just totally wow! to me.  I remember when I started this blog, I thought how awesome it would be to even get a few & now I am at 96.  I was stuck at 90 for a long while, then 91 for a bit, then the past few days I have gotten some more.  It's awesome & I love you all for following me even though I may be boring at times or not post as much as I wish I did.  Only 4 away from 100!  I mentioned before I might consider changing my profile pic to or posting a real pic if I got to 100.  So maybe I should really start thinking about that!

I was thinking, if I keep gaining & do get 100, maybe I could decide to post a pic when I do the confessional/answer blog post thingy I mentioned near the end of my last post.  Still waiting to see if I get more questions/suggestions too.  Thanks to Almost.Skinny & Mich for their input!

I did lose the other .6 lb to get back to my goal but suckily gained it right back this morning.  And I am pretty sure I am in for a gain come morning.  Stupid effin carbs!  That's what has gotten me the last couple days.  It usually is what screws me.  If not carbs, than sugary/sweets.  I'm craving fountain Sprite (or a similar substitute) so I think maybe I will have that for lunch tomorrow & then have something for dinner (small).  Not sure about breakfast, I usually try to eat something small (& sometimes breakfast & lunch are combined because I get out of bed/get around so late) with my pills (vitamin B complex & caffeine).

Not sure what else I got going on tomorrow.  Maybe more job stuff most likely, putting in/getting apps.  Gotta take the lil one to/from school.  New Grey's Anatomy!  (<~ Jesse Williams, plays Dr. Jackson Avery. He's my fave new person ever on that show! ;) Not too sad at all to hear he's supposed to be getting shirtless sometime this season.)  Be great if I motivated or forced myself to do some sort of exercise, I'm very not into that at all these days.  Boo.

Hope you are all having a wonderful week & if not, I hope it becomes wonderful!  I know things may be or seem rough, rather it be something beyond your control or something you feel you've messed up (such as failing at a plan/eating/etc), but you can start over at any moment!  You can start over each day, or even later in the day.  It's never too late to begin again!  I know that all sounds corny & super-optimistic, but it is true & I wish I reminded myself more.  I'm really good at being optimistic for others (as some of you may notice in my comments I leave or some stuff I post on here to you readers), not always so much for myself!


Thank you all for compliments on my pictures!  It really means a lot to me!  I get them from people in my 'real life' too sometimes & I am always so surprised & excited when anyone says anything positive about them.  I am so happy that you all seem to enjoy Foto Friday, I enjoy doing them! <3

Jordan: I agree about the hoarders & the "love" for pets.  It's hard to believe someone appreciates/loves pets when they allow them to live that way (such as in their own excrement) & it is to the point where they are getting lost & dying/being killed.

Tracy: Glad ya like the new look!  I think it's more fallsy now.  I won't show up at your door step with the Intervention people, I promise. ;) I always wonder if the people who are the target on that show are suspicious since they agree to be apart of a show about addiction.  Surely some of them have seen it before? lol.

Mich: I have no idea how people let their home get like that. Especially the ones who are still in denial that they have a problem when their house is threatened with being condemned. I also don't know why people go on shows (reality tv, talk shows, whatever) & act a fool or air their dirty laundry, etc. Or when they take someone on tv to tell them a secret (I'm cheating on you, you may not be my baby daddy, I'm a prostitute, I'm really a man, etc). Kinda insensitive & inconsiderate way of going about it.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


So I watched the new episode of Hoarders tonight.  And every time I watch that show I am just amazed at how awful people let their houses get.  It isn't so bad when they just have tons of stuff everywhere (although all that clutter would annoy me), but most of them have trash/etc as well.  Tonight, one of the ladies on there was a huge cat lover.  They found a total of 36 cats in her home, 13 of which were dead & some of those were kittens.  They lifted up a bed & found a mama cat & her new (like they figured not even a day old) babies (just in time I thought, to save them).  This lady had cat urine/feces, trash, stuff just everywhere & her house was going to be condemned by the city if it wasn't cleaned up.  She didn't pass her inspection & had to live in a shelter for 6 weeks while her sons finished it up so she could move back in.

After Hoarders, I watched 2 episodes of Intervention.  The first one was about a guy who broke his back & was prescribed morphine & became addicted.  He also gave away $600,000 to internet scams (you know, the emails you get saying you won some lottery or someone left you money, they are almost always in another country).  Morphine is some great stuff.  I'm not a druggie or anything (the most I've done is smoke weed back in the day), but I had some through IV during labor (before the pushing part) when I had my son & it was lovely.  The 2nd episode broke my heart a little.  It was this 23 year old girl who was suspended from school at 13 for bringing in alcohol & took 8 hits of LSD at age 14.  She straightened out for a while when she was 19 or 20 & got married & had a baby.  But she went back downhill after she found out her husband was cheating on her.  She was shooting up Oxycontin.  Her mom (& stepdad) had gotten custody of her little boy.  She wasn't allowed visitations unless she passed 2 drug tests in a row (which she never did before going into rehab).

I can't imagine choosing drugs over my own kid.  I can't imagine choosing anything over him.  I know I can't completely understand it since I'm not in her shoes.  And it wasn't exactly like she wanted to be choosing drugs over him, she just couldn't help herself.  I just can't imagine being that out of control.  I know that disordered eating habits consume my thoughts & behaviors a great deal of time.  But I know I would make sure they didn't win over my son.  I have.  When I was pregnant, I didn't restrict or binge or purge at all.  Sure, I thought about how I was going to losing weight afterwards, but that's normal for most mothers.  And since I've had him, I never let myself get so weak or sick-feeling from fasting/restriction/etc that I can't take care of him.  That's a big part of why I don't do much fasting.  I don't want to worry about being able to care for him.  And my body isn't great at fasting because I don't do a lot of it.  That's fine with me.

Weight-wise, eh.  I was holding steady at my previous goal (the one I met for the 3rd time) (or up to lb below it) up to Friday when I was right at it.  But then Saturday, I gained .4 & another .8 Sunday.  But Monday morning I dropped the .8 back off & as of an hour ago, I had only gained .2 for the day, so if I can lose .6 while I sleep/by morning weigh in, I will be back at my goal & no resetting it *yet again*.

Anyways... I should be asleep.  Insomnia totally took me over (not unusual) last night & I could not fall asleep!  And then when I did around 5-6am, I kept waking up from having bad dreams, so I only had not even 2 hours of interrupted, crappy sleep.  I didn't nap today.  Well, I did half-sleep for maybe 15 minutes in the afternoon.  But I should be super sleepy & I am only a little.  Ridiculous.  I am hoping once I do just lay still for 5 minutes, I will magically be out.

I was thinking, I'm going to do a confessional/question blog soon.  Kinda like I did before.  I just want to do a blog that will maybe help you all understand me, who I am, etc.  You can ask me questions or suggest things you might want to know about (things I like or don't, what I think about something) & it can deal with anything (eating, weight, body image, life in general, education/school days, childhood, stuff mentioned in my blog, whatever).  I will answer any questions/suggestions I get & prolly throw in anything random I think to add.  You can email me, formspring me, comment here or send me a DM or tweet on twitter.  Whatever works best/easiest for ya.  Unless this is all a stupid idea...

I hope you all had a lovely start to your week & an awesome rest of it ahead! <3

Friday, September 24, 2010

Foto Friday 16

Hello!  It's Foto Friday!  I hope you all had a wonderful week & a fantastic weekend ahead!  Last night I changed my blog appearance to reflect a bit of a more fall/autumn feel because I was bored.
Lake Michigan, a couple weeks ago when it was a windy evening.

 2 pink flowers.  I posted a similar pic a couple weeks ago, the flower from that pic is the top one in this picture.

 Yep, it's autumn & the leaves are changing & falling.

 The sky today.  It's a grey day & kinda windy out.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Hello!  I hope you are all doing fantastically!  I swear I've been reading all your blogs even though I have been slacking on commenting.  I did get some commenting in this weekend & since.  It seems like lately I have to catch up on a whole day (sometimes more) worth of blogs so I don't have a lot of time to leave comments as well.  I am trying to stay caught up so that I can comment as I read.  I should have plenty of time being unemployed (ugh) & my lil man is in school half a day, but I have also been helping a friend remodel & stuff.  I've been away from the internet in general.

Weight-wise I am maintaining basically.  Which is kind of surprising some days with some of the crap & the amount of food I've eaten.  So even though it is kind of frustrating not to be moving down on the scale, it is surely mucho better than moving up!

It's just about fall, according to the calendar!  Leaves are already starting to change here & it's been cooled off (except today, when it's going to/is warmer).  I like fall: the pretty leaves, the smells, wearing hoodies & sweaters, not feeling so sweaty.

The one thing I dislike about it though is that winter comes after it & I dislike that a lot!  It isn't winter I don't like, or even the snow, it's the bitter cold that tends to come with it.  If winter could be shorter & never get too cold, it'd be okay.  Or if it could just be snowy/cold around Christmas time & that was it.  But winter lasts too long & the temps drop too much.  Makes me question why I would move back up north after loving Florida in the winter.  Not that I'm not used to have 'real' winters, I only lived in Florida for 14 months (one winter), but it was nice not to freeze at all during that time, lol.

Mich: That is so neat that you put that pic as your desktop!

Issyla: Senna is a laxative, often found in vegetables.  It comes in tea form too, but I take the pill form.  And I love caramel too, in fact, caramel frapps at Starbucks are one of my favorites there!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Foto Friday 15

I know this post is a day late, but yesterday ended up being kinda busy.  I ran to the store in the morning & had to get my lil man around for school then take him.  While he was at school I fixed a flat tire on his bike (he had wanted to ride it to school but we found the flat) & then drop it off at the school & come back to bike there.  Right after school we ended up going to his grandparents to go out to dinner (@ Pizza Hut) & then had a lil fire over there.  Watched the first part of season 2 of Weeds until bed time.  But I don't want to skip Foto Friday so I'm posting it a bit late.

Despite eating 3 cupcakes, Pizza Hut (I only had one cheesy breadstick & 1 slice of pizza though), & a s'more, I maintained.  Partially due to the fact I took senna yesterday, I'm sure (getting rid of anything just sitting around).  Maybe the tiny bit of walking & biking helped (though I doubt much since I didn't do a ton).  And now onto my unexciting pictures for this week...

Sample of chocolate banana smoothie from Starbucks.

Pretty pink bike I saw in a catalog.

Caramel Apple Cow Tales.  Yummy!  Only 110 calories per stick thingy (only a small piece is shown in the photo).  I love the caramel w/ cream & w/ strawberry ones too (there is a chocolate w/ cream as well).  This is super yummy!

My cranberry juice & pills yesterday morning.  The yellow one is a vitamin B complex, the white one is caffeine, & the little brownish ones are senna (I usually take 2 for a dose unless I've recently taken some within the last couple days in which case I take 3-4, & I've never taken more than one dose in a day).

Hope you are all having a fabulous weekend & a supertastic September!!!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


I just wanted to catch up on replying to comments left on my past blogs.  Also, I have a Tumblr now, so go ahead & follow me there & let me know if you have one so I can follow you.  I'm not leaving blogger, not even considering (despite my lack of posting), just wanted to check it out.  I figure I will use Tumblr for just quick little random things & such.  I will surely still be posting here!

I haven't had much to say.  Met my 110 goal (for the 3rd time now) last Friday & have pretty much been maintaining since, which is at least better than gaining.  I spent the 2 days after I met it at 110.2 but since it was minor & came back down, I still counted it.  And today I was up to 110.4 but as long as I come back down by morning (otherwise I am fasting or something to make sure I do), I won't have to remeet this goal (yet again).

I have been trying to comment here & there, but even when I don't, I do make sure to read all of your lovely posts.  Just been a little busy (despite being unemployed) helping a friend with some remodel work & my lil one started school back up last week.  I hope you are all having a wonderful week, or that it turns wonderful for you.  And now for some replies to comments left on my blog...

Sadhana: Wintergirls is a book about an anorexic girl whose bulimic friend dies.  The book shows her thought processes & how she deals with her friend's death & stuff.  I really enjoyed reading it!

Cora: Since I am guessing it was around maybe 2003 when I wrote that self-letter (not sure since it wasn't dated), I would have been around 21.

Sarah, Mich, Tracy, Kitty, Heather B, Kristina Rawrr, Jordan, & Isobel: Thank you for your lovely comments on the Directional post.  Those of you who relate to it or are having a rough time, sending hugs your way!

Zen: Yes I take all the pictures on my Foto Friday.  Any picture that I don't take I usually note (such as a couple weeks ago when they were all from we heart it) unless it seems obvious that it's just a stock photo I googled or whatever.  It's ok about the dog puke comment, lol, I agree it doesn't look that appetizing, the stupid flash kinda made it worse.  But it still tastes good! ;)

Mich: Thanks! Yes, I took the cloud/sunset picture, it's at Lake Michigan.

Issyla: Thanks!  Yes, I take all the pics in my Foto Friday posts (unless noted, such as the one that was all from we heart it).

And to all of my commenters/followers/readers, I <3 you all so very much!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Foto Friday 14

Caramel Tootsie Pops.  These are yummy!  If you like caramel hard candy & tootsie rolls, lol.  60 calories.


Zatarain's Black Beans & Rice.  1 cup has 220 calories & fills me up really well.

Pretty pink flower.

I like this picture because even though there are tons of clouds overhead, there aren't any blocking the sun setting, & it's shining over the ground.  It makes the ground look really goldish.  Kinda almost looks photoshopped/altered, but it's not.

Yep, I do, it's true!  I <3 every single one of you who follow my blog, read my blog, & comment on my blog.  You are all awesome!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Foto Friday 13

Kahiki Sweet & Sour Chicken.  Good stuff!  I only ate half the serving.  I think just under 400 calories for the whole box.

I think this kind of looks like beer, lol.  But it's part of a can of Arizona Extra Sweet Green Tea.

Yummy!  I'm not really a coffee drinker, but I do like a lot of drinks with coffee in them (cappuccino, frappiccino, etc).  This one is a caramel & white chocolate latte chilled.

I am almost always surprised that my blood pressure is in the normal range.  I can't remember it not being.  But it seems like it should be high with the way I feel sometimes.  My mom used to say I would have high blood pressure by the time I was 16, lol.

One of my fave fall candies!  A lot like candy corn, but they are such cute little pumpkins!  And no fat!