Sachurda

When I started this blog approximately 2 years & 1.5 months ago, I was at a horrible (to/for me) weight, 120ish. Afterwards, I lost some of that weight & yo-yo'd, etc. I hate to say that I am now 10 pounds heavier than where I started. It's not my heaviest ever (although it is my heaviest known since I lost pregnancy weight & even a little while before pregnancy, because I don't count my pregnancy weigh ins at the doctors).

If I could make a super sad face emoticon I so would. But instead... :( :( :(

I have no motivation, even though I am totally uncomfortable at this weight & have been wanting it to go back down & even when it has budged a little it goes back up & then some. For the longest while I was maintaining a couple pounds lighter than I am now.

I am hoping July is a good month for me. I would love more than anything to finally find motivation & lose weight. I would super love if I were able to do that without any severe restricting, fasts, or binging/purging. In other words, healthily.

So we will see how it goes. I know it is unlikely I will do it completely healthy whenever the motivation does come (I have faith that it will at some point, I just wish I would reach that point sooner rather than later), & while they may be horrible to know/say, I am hoping by acknowledging it that it will happen less frequently.

On a brighter note, it looks like I will be going full time at my current work place. I covered a maternity leave at the end of last year, which I may or may not have mentioned, & that very position is most likely opening up at the end of July & if it does, it is meant to be mine! So I will get to work more which will hopefully mean more distraction & more money. Which is also good because I am going to have to start paying on the student loans I have been deferring, which I am hoping I can get cut down based on how little I will be making. I am also going to look into getting internet at home again if I get to go full time so I can be online for various reasons (including Blogger). I still get on Blogger a lot to read (through mobile Google Reader), but it's hard to leave comments. So I still read, I just don't really get to post or leave comments. Or do Foto Fridays. :/

Anyways, that's my lil diddy for my periodically rarely posted posts for now. I hope you are all doing wonderfully! I think I am going to start using Twitter again, so if anyone else is there, add me (emryelle) & we can chat or whatever there. Even if you need to vent about ed stuff or life in general or just to say hi. I am going to go delete everyone I think on Twitter & start over, as I don't think a lot of them prolly are even around since most seemed to vacate before I quit checking it out, lol. Anyways, have a great July! Hopefully 'talk' to ya soon! :)

Whiney Wah

Who has some extra motivation they can share with me? I really, really, really need some. Please? Pretty please? I'd love you foreva!

My weight has been creeping up over the last however many (too many) months. Slow, steadily, & speedily at times. Ugh. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to get myself on track. Sadly, there have been too many times that I gave up, gave in, and/or said screw it.

My clothes are horrible. Most are not-nice looking, more so than before. I barely have any pants I can wear, especially for work. It sucks. But it's my fault.

I am by no means depressed. Side note: if I were, it's likely weight loss would be easier since I am more likely to restrict, have no appetite, etc when I am stressed/depressed. Not that I want to feel that way just so I can ensure weightloss, so not worth it. I'm not depressed. I am disappointed in myself, that I let it get this bad & that I am not doing anything to change it. I am frustrated that I lack motivation.

Let's talk some numbers. As of this morning, I was at about 126.7 lb. Which wouldn't be bad, except I am under 5' tall & it puts my BMI at about 26.5, which is classified as overweight. To be at the high end of normal, I need to lose around 7.5lbs. To be at a weight I feel mostly 'comfortable' at, I need to lose about 20lbs. My goal is somewhere in the 90s though (will see when it gets near).

So I am visiting my blog to post a whiney/complain-filled entry. Because I can't/won't talk about it in the 'real world' & I know so many of you can/do understand what I am going through. I love you all. I still read blogs even when I don't post. But since I do so from my phone, it is hard to comment. I really need to look into the possibility of getting some internet up in hurrrr.

Hope ya'll are having a fabulous week/weekend ahead! :)

Fat Tuesday

It is Fat Tuesday! Packzi day! A day for 'binging', eating junk upon junk before Lent.

Okay, so I will be doing my best not to partake in Fat Tuesday (not that I usually do necessarily) & I don't really participate in Lent either. As of this morning, I am at this year's highest weight (that I know of, since I try not to weigh in every day & have long stretches without weighing in). So Fat Tuesday is yet another start to trying to do better, hopefully this attempt sticks. And I would like to give up being in the overweight range for Lent (lol, wouldn't we all like to just decide to lose weight & it happens though!). I would like to reach the average range before Lent has finished though. I would like to do so by my birthday. That gives me 3 weeks to lose 7 pounds, which is doable if I can get & stay on track.

For now, my plan is to eat less (especially less junk) than I have been & to move. I would like to do at least 2 miles on the elliptical plus some outdoor walks. These are small, simple goals. Which hopefully will make them easier to follow through with.

I am working less so I have lots of free time (which is both good & bad when it comes to weight related stuff). I wish I was working more so I would be moving more, less time to eat, & making da money. Hopefully I will start getting more hours. Next week I have less than this one though. I need a new job. I would prefer to have one that was degree-related but I would take one that just gave me more hours (or more money in some way, lol).

I hope you are all doing fabulous!

Netpinner

Peri: Pinterest is a website where people "pin" (basically bookmark/save) things they like. It reminds me of weheartit.com if you have ever checked that out, except you can post pictures, videos, webpages, etc. You can see what other people are "pinning" or "pin" stuff yourself. It has everything on there, from hair styles, home decor ideas, diy, crafts, recipes, home tips... & so on. It can be very addictive, lol. Since I don't have internet at home, I mostly browse the mobile version on my phone & I still look through quite a bit when I get on there & repin.

Mich: I hated that I had to be on a waiting list too & because of that I wasn't going to sign up. But then I got looking around & decided I might as well because I was already interested in looking around so much, lol.

So, it's tax time! I love tax time because I always get a refund. And I think with part of it I am going to pay off the loan I took out to buy a car this past summer. Between freeing up that small chunk of change every month & putting aside another part of the refund, I am thinking I might be able to get internet at home again. Which I so hope works out, because browsing the web on my phone isn't always greatly satisfying, lol. Plus, I would be able to get on here more, comment on all of your lovely blogs (doesn't work well from phone most of the time) & so on.

I hope you are all having a splendid week! :)

Pinring

Hello Blogger world! Hope you are all doing swell!

My son had his first snow day Monday (other schools around the state have had a few already, but his rarely closes). Not because we got an obscene amount of snow either. Because we had thunderstorms/rain the night before. In late January. Thats not normal weather here, lol. But the whole winter has been odd anyways. Which I am not huge on the whole cold & cruddy roads, so that's fine with me. 2 more months of official (calendar) winter! I adore spring! So glad it's not too far off, as Peri mentioned.

I don't like seeing the winter stuff break out (shovels, sidewalk salt, etc) early but I have no problem seeing the beach towels, gardening tools, & lawn stuff come out because it's a reminder that spring will come eventually.

Of course, seeing bathing suits & other such cute but skimpier (compared to winter) clothing is also a reminder that there is weight to be lost, which is both good & bad.

Has anyone wandered around Pinterest? Oh my gosh, it's so great for so many things! But addictive. And possibly distracting & motivating in so many ways, not just weight/eating wise, but others.

I hope you all had an awesome start to the week & it continues that way! :)

Friold

First of all, thank you to Liz, Peri, & Tracy for your comments (from November & earlier this month.

I wish I were able to do a Foto Friday! Oh how I miss doing those. Hopefully soon I will figure a way on the phone that will be easiest. At least I was able to fanagle links in above for the lovely ladies!

Last week I almost hit my year's high again. But somehow managed to get down a bit before I went farther up. As of this morning, I was at 122.8 which is down overall, but still higher than my year's lowest, not where I want to be, & not close enough to my (first or final) goal.

It is about to turn to midnight. I have to be awake at 5:30am so that I can be to work at 7am. Gotta have time to quickly get ready & de-snow my car & the 5 feet in front of my door to it. Thank goodness I pushed myself to get gas tonight after work so I don't have to do that as well.

According to the weather app on my phone, it is a whopping 9 degrees (F). Winter didn't come for a long time here, first 'real' (& lasting) snow was a week ago. I don't hate winter, or even snow. I hate nasty roads & cold-cold temps. The roads have been nasty a couple times & now it's too cold. Thankfully this cold-cold junk isn't meant to last & it will just be cold soon.

Endat

I just want to eat & eat right now! And not because I am physically hungry either.

I was up .2 this morning from yesterday. Honestly I thought it would be more. Yesterday was a new low for the year though.

I need to find a real job. By real, I mean one that pays decently. And perhaps related to my degree (that would be nice).Currently, I make little more than minimum wage & only work part-time. It is one of my 2012 goals, to better my financial situation.

I think soon I might do a post on my goals for the year. I dont actually have them written out anywhere yet, so that'd be good.

I got a new phone Monday, which makes it easier for me to post & check in. Hopefully it will be easier to leave comments too, I haven't gotten to check that yet.

I am sleepy. I couldn't fall asleep last night for a loonngg time & then didn't sleep in. But I did get quite a bit done around the house (cleaning & reorganizing). Still more to do, but today took some chunk out.

Hope you are all having an amazing year so far! :)

Motilan

Once again, it's been far too long.

I started the year at 124.8lb (Jan 2nd, didn't weigh on the first). My low for the year thus far was 122.8 & as of Tuesday morning I was 123. So I did have some gain, but overall at a loss, though I wish more. I plan on weighing myself in the morning since I did not this morning.

I still need do more work on my eating habits (eating better choices, less often) & add in some exercise. Something because I am tired of feeling & being fat (I am at an overweight BMI) but lacking the motivation to do more about it. My first goal (119) will put me at the high end limit for an average BMI.

Heart you all! :)