Tuesday, June 21, 2011


Wow, what an UNwonderful weekend I had. :(  Saturday, on my way to work, my car died.  I wasn't too far from work (& I drive nearly a half hour one way) when it just suddenly started to decelerate on it's own, so I pulled over to the side of the highway.  There was smoke coming out from under the hood.  Lots.  The first thought was maybe it overheated, but that doesn't seem to be the case now.  My son's uncle says my motor is junk.  My son's dad is going to look at it tomorrow & see what he can figure out.  But I don't expect the diagnosis to really change.

Which is just great.  I can't afford nor is it even worth it to get a new motor (which I could get free labor to do it prolly but still).  And since I can't afford that, I obviously can't afford another car.  I have little options here.  My work is about 25 miles away, so I need a vehicle to make money & need money to have a vehicle, but I don't make enough money to get one.  It's a vicious, asshole of a cycle.

That, sadly, was not even the beginning of my not nice weekend.  My son's dad traveled out of state for the weekend to hang out with a girl (who will undoubtedly be his girlfriend in like the next week or so, especially since he's going back next weekend).  This might not seem so horrible, except that I never handle him getting into relationships/dating very well emotionally.  I can't figure out why.  We get along, that's never been an issue.  But we haven't actually dated in years or even come close to maybe thinking about it in a long, long, long while.  And I'm not in love with him.  And I'm fine that we're not together... until he is dating or considering dating someone else.  It pisses me off.  I am an idiot in this area of my life, I can not explain why I feel the way I feel, it makes no sense to me.  I hate it.

So I spent most of Sunday, in bed.  My son wasn't home until late afternoon (he had been with family the night before because I worked & then stayed the night because of the whole car situation), so I had little reason to get up.  I did manage to get up & get dressed & walk a few blocks to the gas station with him to buy toilet paper (& an Icee & a donut unfortunately).

I would have loved to spend most of today in bed, but I had to go work an 8 hour shift.  And since lunch was bought for me on my way to work by my ride, I had Burger King (but in some defense, I only had a Kids' Meal).  And at work, a can of Coke.  I don't want to starve/restrict, but that's what I tend to do when I feel down.  I don't have much appetite & it can be hard to make myself eat.  I know I need to because I don't want my metabolism to crash & I don't want to be all ill/weak feeling in case my son needs me.

What a craptastic post, lol.  It is though.  I think I will end it now.  And pray, that by some miracle, there is some kind of good news for my car & it's not as bad as it has seemed to be (though I am preparing to hear that it actually is as bad as thought or maybe worse somehow).  I also pray a bit, that an even bigger miracle will happen & some kind of financial windfall will come my way so that I don't even need to worry about the car situation so much.

Good night (or morning or afternoon) my darling readers.  I hope your weekend went much better than mine & your week is starting off swell! <3


Almost.Skinny said...

I'm so sorry you're not having a good time! Fingers crossed about the car situation.
I get the ex thing, its hard to shake someone, there's still that little bit of attachment- especially since you have a child together.
Try and eat something- even just a small bit of fruit or veggies to keep you going.
Take care of yourself! All the best xxx

Mich said...

Sorry you're having a crappy time of it the last few days. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your car!!


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