Intervene

So I watched the new episode of Hoarders tonight.  And every time I watch that show I am just amazed at how awful people let their houses get.  It isn't so bad when they just have tons of stuff everywhere (although all that clutter would annoy me), but most of them have trash/etc as well.  Tonight, one of the ladies on there was a huge cat lover.  They found a total of 36 cats in her home, 13 of which were dead & some of those were kittens.  They lifted up a bed & found a mama cat & her new (like they figured not even a day old) babies (just in time I thought, to save them).  This lady had cat urine/feces, trash, stuff just everywhere & her house was going to be condemned by the city if it wasn't cleaned up.  She didn't pass her inspection & had to live in a shelter for 6 weeks while her sons finished it up so she could move back in.

After Hoarders, I watched 2 episodes of Intervention.  The first one was about a guy who broke his back & was prescribed morphine & became addicted.  He also gave away $600,000 to internet scams (you know, the emails you get saying you won some lottery or someone left you money, they are almost always in another country).  Morphine is some great stuff.  I'm not a druggie or anything (the most I've done is smoke weed back in the day), but I had some through IV during labor (before the pushing part) when I had my son & it was lovely.  The 2nd episode broke my heart a little.  It was this 23 year old girl who was suspended from school at 13 for bringing in alcohol & took 8 hits of LSD at age 14.  She straightened out for a while when she was 19 or 20 & got married & had a baby.  But she went back downhill after she found out her husband was cheating on her.  She was shooting up Oxycontin.  Her mom (& stepdad) had gotten custody of her little boy.  She wasn't allowed visitations unless she passed 2 drug tests in a row (which she never did before going into rehab).

I can't imagine choosing drugs over my own kid.  I can't imagine choosing anything over him.  I know I can't completely understand it since I'm not in her shoes.  And it wasn't exactly like she wanted to be choosing drugs over him, she just couldn't help herself.  I just can't imagine being that out of control.  I know that disordered eating habits consume my thoughts & behaviors a great deal of time.  But I know I would make sure they didn't win over my son.  I have.  When I was pregnant, I didn't restrict or binge or purge at all.  Sure, I thought about how I was going to losing weight afterwards, but that's normal for most mothers.  And since I've had him, I never let myself get so weak or sick-feeling from fasting/restriction/etc that I can't take care of him.  That's a big part of why I don't do much fasting.  I don't want to worry about being able to care for him.  And my body isn't great at fasting because I don't do a lot of it.  That's fine with me.

Weight-wise, eh.  I was holding steady at my previous goal (the one I met for the 3rd time) (or up to lb below it) up to Friday when I was right at it.  But then Saturday, I gained .4 & another .8 Sunday.  But Monday morning I dropped the .8 back off & as of an hour ago, I had only gained .2 for the day, so if I can lose .6 while I sleep/by morning weigh in, I will be back at my goal & no resetting it *yet again*.

Anyways... I should be asleep.  Insomnia totally took me over (not unusual) last night & I could not fall asleep!  And then when I did around 5-6am, I kept waking up from having bad dreams, so I only had not even 2 hours of interrupted, crappy sleep.  I didn't nap today.  Well, I did half-sleep for maybe 15 minutes in the afternoon.  But I should be super sleepy & I am only a little.  Ridiculous.  I am hoping once I do just lay still for 5 minutes, I will magically be out.

I was thinking, I'm going to do a confessional/question blog soon.  Kinda like I did before.  I just want to do a blog that will maybe help you all understand me, who I am, etc.  You can ask me questions or suggest things you might want to know about (things I like or don't, what I think about something) & it can deal with anything (eating, weight, body image, life in general, education/school days, childhood, stuff mentioned in my blog, whatever).  I will answer any questions/suggestions I get & prolly throw in anything random I think to add.  You can email me, formspring me, comment here or send me a DM or tweet on twitter.  Whatever works best/easiest for ya.  Unless this is all a stupid idea...

I hope you all had a lovely start to your week & an awesome rest of it ahead! <3