Monday, August 30, 2010


A warning: this post may be a little sad/depressive.  Kinda in that kind of mood right now.  But I am okay, just sleep deprived & letting my brain wander in the wrong direction of pessimism & self-doubt.

I've been technically unemployed for about 3 years now.  I left my last job when I moved to transfer schools.  I didn't work while I finished up my last 2 years of school (didn't have much time since I was a full time student & a single momma, & it's kinda hard to find/afford day care to do both anyways).  I graduated last spring & have been looking for a job since (field related or not).  I want to go to grad school eventually, but I need a break, I was about sick of school by the time I graduated.  I love school (the learning part), it's the homework & studying that tires me.  Plus I have no idea what I really want to go to grad school for.  I'm not too concerned about taking time off & ending up not going.  I took three years off after high school before I started college (the whole being sick of school thing then, in fact I was skipping a lot my last h.s. semester because I was bored, didn't need any of the classes or credit to graduate anyways).

I can't remember the last time I really knew what I want to do with my life, career wise.  I had lots of ideas when I was little, it changed a lot.  Nurse, teacher, lawyer, professional cheerleader, mother, & a few more I'm prolly forgetting.  Through most of high school I wanted to major in theater & minor in dance.  Strange, considering I have never really ever taken any dance classes & the only theater stuff I had done were a few school plays.  But by senior year, I decided I wanted to major in psychology since it was the only class I had ever taken that I liked enough to be interested in further learning (I never picked a minor really, but since I already had nearly enough sociology credits for it, it was convenient).

I don't think I want to go into counseling of any kind.  I maybe would do social work type stuff, which seems to be the closest to a decision.  Research type stuff wouldn't be bad.

Right now, I would just love to be working, period, even in some basic type job as a cashier at a gas station or something, which has nothing to do with my degree.  Yes, it would be absolutely wonderful to find a job that was related, but it is difficult since many jobs in the field want a Masters or the ones that don't want experience, which I have none of (in that area).

I can't stand being broke all of the time.  It means I don't get to see my friends & family much at all (they mostly live 2 hours away, a few are farther & some are out of state).  I don't get to go out & do much (which is also partially because I don't know anyone around here really).  I also super hate being bored now that I am not in school or working.

And on top of that, I have weight to lose.  Of course.  And I'm slacking on doing much about that lately.  I suck, lol.

Now, despite all this boohoo speak, I know things could be worse.  I know that I am blessed in a lot of other areas & my life isn't all that bad, there are just a few areas that need some work.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend & are all set for the week ahead!  Hope you are all reaching goals & making plans (rather they be to lose or to be healthier or even non-weight related)!  I love you for coming here & reading my babbling, it's so nice to have somewhere to do that.  <3


Sarah said...

Hang in there, gorgeous. Things will get better. They have to. I'm glad that you felt more positive at the end of that post. Just so you know, I think you're lovely. <3

Mich said...

The job thing is definitely tough. I was searching for a job for 2 years after college, and I thought I was really set in the one I finally got, and I could stay working there until I finished grad school.

Nope - laid off before I even had the chance to start grad school.

But you're totally right - things could be worse. We just have to keep trying, and keep moving forward.

tracy said...

i really liked this post. It shows you are thinking and planning and that's terrific. It's pretty late in my life to plan anything really big that i would love (ie, Nursing school), plus, i'm too crazy to do it anyhow. However, i am glad you young ones are out there, doing good things in the world.
Also, i know what it's like to be alone and not know anyone around you. :(

Kitty said...

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so down about all of this. It'll eventually all get easier, I promise. My mom raised me and my brother as a single mom, and worked full time. She was crazy and somehow always got us what we needed. I have no doubt that you'll be okay along the way too.

Heather B said...

I can really relate to a lot of what you're going through right now. I hope things get better soon. *hugs*

Kristina Rawrr said...

I really relate to all of this. I went straight from High school (left friday) to college (started monday) then left to start work (on a monday and I left college on the friday before)and now it's been a big gap.

I really don't want to go back to college this year and would rather work because I'm bored. I mean the last year of High school I got bored because I couldn't do anything. It's tough to find a job though in this period of time. You're competing against people with more qualifications and stuff.

So I feel you. Yeah it could be worse but things will improve :) x

Anonymous said...

Things could always be worse. Have you seen that half-ton Mom show? Fucking scary, that's what that is.

Things will turn around, they always do.

Isobel said...

Aw, I'm sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch but making plans is a good start, and no one ever knows where life will take them so hang on in there!

Thank you so much for following me back, I feel a little less lonely now :)

Lets be friends eh?

Isobel x