Sunday, August 15, 2010

Bluhorrib

Today went rather badly.  I mentioned breakfast in my last post (bottle of frapp & pretzel m&m's).  I ate lunch as planned (a burger, a small smattering of baked beans, a few baby carrots, & some chips, washed down with rootbeer).  And it might have been alright if I had just stopped there like I shoulda.

But I didn't.  I came home & had an ice cream cone.  Then more pretzel m&m's.  I wanted to stop.  But then decided I craved already-popped popcorn so I went to a gas station & got some (at least it wasn't movie theater popcorn covered w/ that liquid fat-filled (but oh so yummy) butter) & a Jones cream soda.  And I weighed myself a while after that.  Up 2 pounds from this morning.  Then I had a s'more (which wouldn't be awful @ 135 calories, if it weren't in addition to everything else).  I super hope at least some of that comes off or I am going to be all the way back up to the last goal I passed (the last one I didn't have to reset).

I wish I could say I'll do better, but apparently it's not in my system to do so, instead I want to & fail myself & feel guilty & mad at myself.  However, I know it will come back & although I can't tell when, I hope it's soon.  The tentative hope (I say hope instead of plan, because well, it seems as though 'plan' is more likely to set up for disappointment & hope is so, well, hopeful, lol) for tomorrow is to have a bottle of frapp for breakfast again & then water the rest of the day & perhaps some leftover flat Coke Zero if I want.  Food-wise, I am hoping to stick to yogurt, celery, cucumber, & bagged salad (thank goodness I don't have to resist dressing as I don't like the stuff).  All stuff that I already have from shopping a few days ago & should eat anyways so it doesn't go bad.  And I hope to do some sort of exercise as well, as little or as much as I can force out.

I also decided to check out Wintergirls online.  I thought I would read a few pages to see if I would like it & halfway through page 29 I finally made myself stop to come write this & hopefully save some for later.  So I guess that means that I do like, lol.

I love you all & your comments & reading your blogs.  Rather I am having a good day or bad day in regards to my relationship with food/eating/weight/etc I enjoy so much coming to this community (blogger & Twitter) & being a part of it, all of us sharing our ups & downs & being able to relate.  And I can't believe how many followers I have!  I thought it was so awesome when I got my first few followers & then hit 10 & then more & more, it's incredible & I <3 you all so much for following me, reading my posts, & commenting.  It really does mean so much to me that I have a place where I can say anything I want & although a lot of it (in relation to my effed up relationship/mentatlity with eating/weight) is acknowledgedly abnormal (compared to mainstream society), there are people out there who understand so well.

Anyways, that's all for now I suppose before I ramble on more.  Hope you all had a fantastic weekend & have a wonderful week ahead! :) <3

6 comments:

tracy said...

Sorry about your sunday...mine went eeirily familiar....scared to get on the scale today to see what "It" has to say....yes, i am so lazy i have not even taken a shower yet....putting things like that off has become a way of life lately....sigh.
Hoping today is a better one...for both of us. i just feel like going someplace and crying...

sadhana said...

Sometimes just eating makes me hungry, which is silly! I heard once that food like that - processed food - is made with something that makes you want to eat more or something like that? It sounds like a conspiracy to me! Get everyone eating all the time so that they'll buy more food AND pills, exercise equipment, etc.

But maybe just sticking to raw foods, fresh fruits and veggies, and whole grains would help you eat less? If nothing else, veggies have like NO calories and a lot of them are negative calories - take more calories to digest than to eat, apparently. I'm a vegge lover, so I might be biased :)

Oh and the other thing about eating fresh fruits and veggies is that people will constantly talk about how healthy you are, regardless of how thin you get.

It IS so nice to have somewhere where you can go and speak your mind and not hold back, eh?

What is Wintergirls about?

Sick B*tch said...

I had a similar day yesterday... And Friday AND Saturday. All of them started out so good - I had a 100-cal breakfast and was so determined the rest of the day. I exercised really good and was like I AM NOT EATING AGAIN UNTIL DINNER!! And then dinner rolls around and I start out ok, and end up stuffing my face. Always the same junk too - cereal covered in sugar, ice cream covered in melted peanut butter, and like whole boxes of South Beach fiber bars.

You're not alone!! We just have to regroup and start again. We can do it!!

Hope you have an awesome week, pretty lady! xXx

Lilah Lee said...

That book looks so good!!! :)
Will definitely be signing up for a library card when I get to school lol

and I gained too :/ I mean, I really DO know where it came from though lol

Hope you had a fabulous weekend :)

Lilah

Marcus said...

Oh honey. I'm exactly in the same situation as you are. I also feel like I wish I could do better, and i'm always coming up with plans and stuff, bit in the end I always fail lately.... so its rather a hope as you say, right... but I know we both can do this! :) stay strong honey <3

Lulu said...

i know how you feel sometimes when i start eating i literally can't stop.

stay strong lovely x

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