Stuck Dot

I'm stuck.  I do decently one day & horrible the next.  If I lose weight, I get it right back.  It pisses me off & I know it's my fault.  Even as I am eating the very food which will hurt me (or rather, than number on the scale), I feel bad about it.  Like last night, I ate 2 servings of strawberry shortcake late at night.  Later than I usually eat & 2!  Why?  Well, the first one I ate because I felt kind of ill.  The 2nd one I ate because it was good & I thought, what the hell, why not?  Might as well since I'm already screwed.  Somehow I only gained .2 but anytime I gain anything lately it pisses me off (more than usual).  I'm just being lazy.  I've been on my elliptical most days, though some days like yesterday I only did 1 mile & others (like the day before that) I did 4 total.

Coke products were on sale at the grocery store.  I was going to buy a Diet Coke & try to do a liquid fast starting later tonight (some time after dinner) until either dinner tomorrow or Wednesday morning.  But I thought I would try Coke Zero.  I don't think I've ever tried it before.  Diet Coke is eh, alright.  I don't drink a lot of diet soda like I've mentioned before because of aspartame & most taste slightly funny.  But I figured the caffeine might do me good, lol, & without the calories.

So here is hoping I get my act together so I can quit being pissed at myself & feeling guilty about what I'm eating.  I hate feeling out of control, especially when it comes to weight/food.  Yes, like many, my weight/food issues are attached to control, I've known this for a very long time.

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Kitty: I was a bit of a pyro growing up.  Not as much now, but that's prolly because I can light candles, woodstoves, fires whenever I want now, lol.  Toilet paper catches fire good, I almost caught my bathroom on fire once as a kid.  Plastic forks, I don't know about those though, lol.

Everyone who commented on my Hump Day post about how they feel their body is: It was interesting to see your responses!  It's nice to see some common feelings out there that I share.

Sadhana: I think there are many of us who feel unworthy at times of this wonderful blogging community.  But I don't think it's important to be thin or to be doing well at weight loss/goals, etc in order to fit in here.  I think it's a good place to belong to share our struggles as well & everyone is so supportive rather you are doing great or horrible, that's what makes it such a great place!

Tracy:  I have not heard of "The Fabulous Beekman Boys". Maybe I will have to check that out sometime.

The Crazy Rose & Anaiz: Reese's are one of my fave candies/junk food!  I'm not a huge chocolate person but when I do have chocolate, I prefer it with peanut butter or caramel or something.

About my food pictures: The reason I post pictures of food & such is because I think about it so much!  The whole love-hate relationship, ya know?  It's better to look at the pictures because it is food that I can't actually be tempted to eat since it isn't real.  It really is like food porn, lol.  There are lots of food pictures I see (online, in ads, commercials, etc) that I wouldn't eat in real life (because I am a picky eater & don't like a lot of things) that look so yummy even though I know I wouldn't like it.