Monday, August 9, 2010

Stuck Dot

I'm stuck.  I do decently one day & horrible the next.  If I lose weight, I get it right back.  It pisses me off & I know it's my fault.  Even as I am eating the very food which will hurt me (or rather, than number on the scale), I feel bad about it.  Like last night, I ate 2 servings of strawberry shortcake late at night.  Later than I usually eat & 2!  Why?  Well, the first one I ate because I felt kind of ill.  The 2nd one I ate because it was good & I thought, what the hell, why not?  Might as well since I'm already screwed.  Somehow I only gained .2 but anytime I gain anything lately it pisses me off (more than usual).  I'm just being lazy.  I've been on my elliptical most days, though some days like yesterday I only did 1 mile & others (like the day before that) I did 4 total.

Coke products were on sale at the grocery store.  I was going to buy a Diet Coke & try to do a liquid fast starting later tonight (some time after dinner) until either dinner tomorrow or Wednesday morning.  But I thought I would try Coke Zero.  I don't think I've ever tried it before.  Diet Coke is eh, alright.  I don't drink a lot of diet soda like I've mentioned before because of aspartame & most taste slightly funny.  But I figured the caffeine might do me good, lol, & without the calories.

So here is hoping I get my act together so I can quit being pissed at myself & feeling guilty about what I'm eating.  I hate feeling out of control, especially when it comes to weight/food.  Yes, like many, my weight/food issues are attached to control, I've known this for a very long time.

Kitty: I was a bit of a pyro growing up.  Not as much now, but that's prolly because I can light candles, woodstoves, fires whenever I want now, lol.  Toilet paper catches fire good, I almost caught my bathroom on fire once as a kid.  Plastic forks, I don't know about those though, lol.

Everyone who commented on my Hump Day post about how they feel their body is: It was interesting to see your responses!  It's nice to see some common feelings out there that I share.

Sadhana: I think there are many of us who feel unworthy at times of this wonderful blogging community.  But I don't think it's important to be thin or to be doing well at weight loss/goals, etc in order to fit in here.  I think it's a good place to belong to share our struggles as well & everyone is so supportive rather you are doing great or horrible, that's what makes it such a great place!

Tracy:  I have not heard of "The Fabulous Beekman Boys". Maybe I will have to check that out sometime.

The Crazy Rose & Anaiz: Reese's are one of my fave candies/junk food!  I'm not a huge chocolate person but when I do have chocolate, I prefer it with peanut butter or caramel or something.

About my food pictures: The reason I post pictures of food & such is because I think about it so much!  The whole love-hate relationship, ya know?  It's better to look at the pictures because it is food that I can't actually be tempted to eat since it isn't real.  It really is like food porn, lol.  There are lots of food pictures I see (online, in ads, commercials, etc) that I wouldn't eat in real life (because I am a picky eater & don't like a lot of things) that look so yummy even though I know I wouldn't like it.


Liz said...

I'm sorry you're feeling stuck :( I hope your liquid fast goes well! I love Diet Coke and Coke Zero. I've developed quite an addiction this summer! Hopefully you won't get an addiction too.

You're awesome, never forget that!

Lilah Lee said...

Coke Zero is AMAZING!!
Coke Zero Cherry is even better ;]

Kitty said...

Good luck with your fast!
I prefer water over any other beverage. I'm trying to be as healthy as possible while not eating (does that even make sense?) and like to tell myself that fasting on water is like "healing" my body naturally. I always read about fasting for healing... but if I do it with diet drinks, I feel like I'm not doing it right. But that's just me. I think I'm slightly OCD, because if I don't do things perfectly I get pissed.

The Crazy Rose said...

I hate that stuck feeling, but it will feel even better when you break past that cycle! Good luck!


Issyla said...

I know how you feel about losing weight and gaining it back, I was stuck at around 118 for two or three weeks or so, and now I can't get past this hump of 104. We're in starvation mode right now, our bodies are designed to try to hang out to the weight we're at. You're fighting against nature so that's why it's tough! A few indulgences here and there won't kill you though, hang in there =)

Oh and nice to meet you, I'm Issyla, just started following :)

Wilted~Rose said...

I understand TOTALLY how your feeling right now but time to pick myself up & dust myself down
here I go again.... :)
Good luck girl x

Lulu said...

thank you for your lovely comment :) happy i'm not alone in the loosing/gaining situation!! We can both get through it need to stay extra strong :)

I drink quite abit of flavoured diet coke.. like diet coke cherry/vinalla/lime. I heard coke zero is the healthiest one out of them all considering chemicals etc xxxx

Alice D said...

I know how frustrating it is.
Stay strong.

Piglet said...

I live on coke zero. I don't know where I'd be without it.

Lund3on said...

Coke Zero makes my butt hurt. haha jk.. it does make my stomach hurt though. Diet Coke seems to be more filling. I hate it from the machines though.. it tastes super bitter.. But anyway.. Deit pepsi isn't bad.. once you get used to it, you can't tell the difference between regular pepsi and diet pepsi.. my bf and I always have issues if we don't keep track of our cups.

I just don't buy ANY sweets. Nothing! I just buy my baby food and snack on that.. filling and subtle.. Hidden in the bottom drawer so guests can't see. It's just me and bf at home other wise.. The cat can't open the fridge. Lol. Good luck. .2 is better than 2! Look at it that way!