Thin Twin

I thought I would also post my 'thin twin' (which is what I choose to call her, even though we don't look alike, but her body is more what I want mine to look like).  I know Lilah Lee & Wilted Rose have done this.  The idea is that you find someone (model, celebrity, etc) is about your height & has the type of body you want & it should make for excellent thinspo because you can see what your possibility is.

I chose Kristen Bell because she's cute & thin & seems cool.  She is actually 5'1", so she's a couple inches taller than me, but it's hard to find someone who is at my shorty short height.  I figure she is close enough!

I love her arm & bony shoulder here for some reason.

I like this pic because of her collarbone & the glimpse of definition on the side of her midsection.

I picked this one out because she is just wearing a tee & jeans & still looks thin.  No muffin top or bulge!

I like the definition in her ab area here.

I wish I smiled/smirked/looked happy when I was looking in the mirror half-dressed.

Foto Friday 3

Hello! I hope you all have had a fabulous weekend & a great weekend coming up!  I also wanted to take a moment to thank those of you who left comments on my last blog about changing.  I am trying to find ways to utilize the suggestions, as well as some of my own.  Right now I seem to be doing a lot of list-like things (I love lists, partially because my memory sucks), such as of traits, quotes, lyrics, random stuff like achievements/confessions.  Stuff like that.  I'm actually writing it out by hand on paper too, which a lil weird but nice.  Feel free to add more/new comments back over there, I love see comments on any of my blogs & love seeing new followers & new comments when I get on here.

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Chocolate Lucky Charms, as seen in Walgreens.  Didn't buy them, but I bet they are yummy!

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The back of a pack of Splenda.

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Random travel-size Scope I saw on the side of a dune at the beach.

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Fire outside the other night.

I enjoy reading everyone's blogs & try to comment when I have a moment, but even if I don't leave a comment, I read every blog in my following list!

Well, I hope all you darlings are doing swell & setting/reaching your goals! <3

Change?

How do you change yourself?  I don't mean physically, I mean mentally.

In my case, I used to be this great girl, meaning I used to like most thing about myself (again, personality-wise).  I lost that girl & became someone else because I put up blockades to keep people & life out & pushed away.  This was years ago.  I want to revert to the girl I liked being.  I've wanted to & tried to so many times, have the motivation to do it, it just seems like I can never follow through.  I give up after a while, like I don't know how to keep working at it until it becomes the norm.  Sometimes I think I just don't know exactly how to go about changing.

For the record, this girl co-existed with the disordered eating stuff, so it's not something that developed with it or because of it.  The disordered eating stuff started on some scale when I was a freshmen in high school (prolly early 1997, I think).  The girl I want to revert to has been missing consistently (except on rare occasions she pops back out for a short while) since early 2005.

I know it sounds a little crazy to talk about myself as if I am different people, as though perhaps I have multiple personalities but one has been locked away or something.  In a way, I feel that girl is locked away in me somewhere & sometimes she manages to escape but then the sadder, closed off girl catches her & takes over again.

I was just wondering if anyone else has tried to change/acquire/drop a personality trait type thing?  How did you try to do so?  What worked & what didn't?  Please feel free to clue me in on anything related to the matter, I am very interested.  If you don't want to post here because it's personal or you feel it's rather drawn out or whatever, please feel free to email me (emryelle@gmail.com).

Fill-up Fiber

I just binged on 4 chocolate peanut butter Fiber One bars.  They were so yummy.  There is one more left in the box & I am trying my damnedest to leave it there.  The upsides to this is that I haven't eaten anything else so far & there is 90 calories in each, so my total for the day is only 360, which isn't completely awful.  Although there is still room to get awful.

I was stuck at a weight this weekend.  I had my free day Wednesday, gained .6 lbs, then lost them the following day & then my weight didn't budge up or down despite careful eating.  So I took Sunday off too.  Although really, I only had a free meal like before, but I ate 2 burgers on buns with a small amount of chips & some fruit.  I gained .6 again, but I thought it would be more.  I also took yesterday off of counting cals because I thought perhaps my metabolism/body need a real nice ass-kicking.  I had lunch: an ice cream Snickers bar, can of grape soda, & Twix Java.  Then I had some hamburger helper stuff for dinner (not a huge amount, but normal), plus some pretzel M&Ms for a late night snack.  I figured I'd gain, but as long as I didn't hit that goal I recently met, it'd be okay.  I lost .2 lbs.  Weird.  Still waiting to see if more is too come from the last couple days.

On top of it all, I haven't done any exercising.  Saturday night I did a couple miles on the elliptical, but I think that's it for the weekend.  Not sure if I will do any today or how the rest of my eating will go today, but I am def ready to kick back into gear (at least on the eating part) & hopefully my weight will go back down & keep moving down instead of being stuck.

Question(s) for the readers, please.  What do you take or what have you tried in terms of energy or metabolism boosters?  This could be pills, drinks, foods, whatever.  I am tired often & it makes me feel & act lazy, a large part because I have insomnia/sleep issues.  I used to take caffeine pills years ago, but those mostly just make me at a normal level of alertness & I don't care to use them anymore.  I've tried a couple diet pills (mainly for energy), but nothing that helps lately.  If only I had some adderall, I know that would help me immensely, sigh.

Foto Friday 2

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T-shirt I saw in Toys 'R Us.

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The reason I was in Toys 'R Us.  I hadn't seen these in years & saw them there late last year.  It's the only place (other than online when I searched) that I can find them.  They should have them more places, the regular Runts are everywhere!

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My banana smoothie yesterday.  I added a bit of food coloring to make it light pink, just because I wanted to, lol.

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I have 2 apps on my phone, this one is called Stand-in Sweetie & the other is Fill-in Friend.  They are basically like Mad Libs.  It asks you for 1-3 nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, etc.  After you type them in, it gives you the sentence with the words plugged in.  You do not get to see the sentence ahead of time, so you have no idea what it might say with your words.  The words in blue are the ones it asks for & plugs in.

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And another one!

I was busy doing a couple things around the house & town today, but I had to make sure to post some pics today.  Also, my scale was mean to me today.  It was nice first, because this morning it said I had lost exactly what I had gained the morning after my free eating day (so I was at where I was at the morning of my free day).  But then this afternoon, I got it out to check my weight (even though I am only supposed to weigh in once, in the morning, I always end up doing it all throughout the day) & when I was taking it back in my room the damn thing slipped out of my hands & the edge landed on the top my foot (on the metatarsal that leadsto my big toe).  It's got a small red spot & is a little tender, but mostly is fine.  It just hurt like a bee-otch when it happened.  Hope you are all having a lovely weekend & doing great at whatever goals you have! :)

Free Ahhh

Yesterday was my free day, I was allowed to eat whatever I wanted.  So the following is what I chose: cheerios, Culver's snack pack (the ButterBurger one with just ketchup, crinkle cut fries, & a Pepsi Wild Cherry), chewy Runts, can of grape soda, King vanilla cone, & 2 mini Reese's cups.  By the way, the links are just pictures of the items.  I love the snack packs because they are small (small fry & drink).  Good size, used to be perfect for me but yesterday it filled me up a lil more than usual.  I haven't had Culver's in months, because I don't live right by one anymore (which is prolly a good thing because I love their burgers & ice cream products) but yesterday when I was out & about, I went to Target, it was only another 5-6 miles to go to one.

Target by the way, was a trap I avoided, lol.  The one I was at had Pizza Hut products at their food/snack stand & I love to get the 3 pack of breadsticks when I go.  There is also a Starbucks in there.  But I had just eaten & didn't want to get super full or eat a crap ton of calories.  My total for the day was 1600, which isn't too awful.  And it seems I gained around half a pound, which isn't too bad, especially since I expected more because I was still, well not full but satisfied, I guess? this morning.  I didn't actually exercise at all other than wandering around stores quite a bit.

I decided to try the senna suggestions.  Kinda.  I found generic pills of senna concentrate for $4.  Taking pills (even though I hate taking any) will be easier than trying to make myself drink a bunch of tea or something mixed with fiber powder or whatever.  And I kinda rationalized that something from vegetables is a lot better than something man-made, lol.  I haven't tried them yet though.  I'm fine with not having a movement daily, I realize sometimes I might not eat enough to make that happen but I don't want stuff just sitting there for too long either.  And I'm won't be using them often, just something to have in case.

Today I am having a banana smoothie, prolly around lunch time.  Bought bananas & a packet of the powder yesterday (have milk & ice).  The whole thing made is about 460 cals, but it is supposed to be 3 servings.  I won't drink all of it.  I like these because it's a lot like having a milkshake but better for me (health & calorie wise).  I had 5 green grapes & water for breakfast.

I hope everyone is having a lovely week!  And meeting goals & all that good stuff too!

Move Through

So I have a question for my lovely readers.  Maybe kind of a weird one, but I'd like some opinions.  I was reading somewhere today that it is healthy to have 1-3 bowel movements a day.  I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to get things 'moving through'.  I'm guessing from blogs I read that perhaps this might be a proper place to get some opinions.  Laxatives, fiber, other supplements, whatever you may have tried.  I'd like to know what worked & what didn't.  Also related, has anyone tried diuretics?  What was your opinion on those (help with excess water removal or anything else)?

In other, more pleasant (kinda) news, I am thinking I need to have a day very soon to have a splurge meal/day to help wake up my metabolism.  I think in the next couple days I am going to be doing some errands (including possibly finding some solutions from the above) & maybe that could be the day I splurge.  Of course, I gotta choose what I wanna splurge on.  I know no matter what I will feel guilty about it so might as well make it worth it, lol.  At first I thought Chinese, then maybe a burger, milkshake, or something.  I'm not sure.  I guess I will just wait & see what sounds the most good when the time comes.  I could just try & eat it all, but a) that would be too expensive for my broke self & b) I think my stomach would burst.

I've been hearing good things about green tea (though I'm sure I've heard them before) & found that I do indeed have 2 different kinds already (I bought a few teas a long while back & got a couple when I had a Gevalia club membership thingy & I don't pay attention because I haven't drank any of it in quite a while).  One is from Gevalia, it's Ancient Cherry & the other is from the grocery store, Lipton Orange, Passionfruit & Jasmine.  0 calories.  What do you know about green tea?  Have you seen any benefits from green tea (or I suppose tea in general) if you drink (or have drank) it?

So yeah.  That's my current quick thoughts, some more pleasant than others, lol.  Asked a few questions, hoping to get some answers. ;)  Lovely thin thoughts & sweet dreams all! <3

Trick Yourself Thin

So, I found this article linked somewhere & thought I would check it out & then decided to share it here.  Basically, it has 10 tips that are supposed to help you lose weight.  I'm going to mention a few here, but you can click the article if you want to read it in full.

Trick Yourself Thin by David Schipper/Men's Health

1. WEIGH YOURSELF OFTEN

It suggests that weighing yourself daily can help you maintain lost weight.  Well, I am all set on this.  I weigh myself every morning.  I record that weight.  But I have a weird almost-addiction to my scale that I weigh myself a bunch more times to see where I am at for the day.

2. TURN OFF THE TV

Here, he suggests that seeing food on tv can be too tempting.  I so totally agree with this!  Sometimes I will even see stuff I don't like & it looks good just because of how it is presented.  Or other things I do like cause me to crave them.  Mostly it's commercials that reel me in, bastards.  Though I suppose that means someone is doing their job (still dislike them, lol).

6. GRAB THE DAY

Simply put: longer days (during summer when it is light out more) make energy levels go up & cravings go down.  Shorter days (winter, less light) make our serotonin levels go outta whack.  Makes sense to me.  I am more likely to gain weight in the winter, partly because of the holiday season, but partly because the lack of light makes me feel lazy.

10. GAMBLE ON YOURSELF

It is suggest that people who are trying to lose weight should make a friendly bet (over a period of time, not just a couple weeks) either one on one or in teams.  It makes sense because you want to win &, if you are on a team, you don't want to let them down.  I kind of feel like all you fellow bloggers are my teammates.  I guess the opposition is food/people against us/unhealthy food/advertisements... the list could go on & on, but I'm sure you get the idea.

So that's all out of me, like I said, feel free to check out the full article, or don't, lol.  I hope you are all having a lovely start to the week & if not, I hope it perks up for you!

Goals

I thought I would post my goals finally.  I officially reached my first one yesterday morning & am heading toward the second one.  I wanted to make a post about them to kind of explain why I've made them.  They can also be seen (as well as the progress made with them) in one of the side bars over there.

First off, I am short.  Like not even 5 feet tall short.  My height is 4'10.5".  Yep.  And in case you didn't know, I am 28.  Yep again.  My starting weight (when I started this blog) was 120.2.

GW1: 114 [X]
  ***This was my normal weight before pregnancy (2005) & after I lost all that weight.
GW2: 110
  ***I just thought this is a nice mid number between goals 1 & 2.
GW3: 107
  ***This was my regular weight before/when/after I moved almost 3 years ago. (2007-08)
GW4: 103
  ***Again, just a nice point inbetween.
GW5: 99
  ***This marks the first weight that I would be a double-digit.
UGW: 90-95
  ***I chose this range because when I was a freshman in high school, I was a couple of inches shorter & I weighed about 88 pounds, so I thought this would be a reasonable weight.  That may change once I get there, or even before if I decide that'd be too much weight off.  But I surely want to be a double digit weight.

I couldn't tell you my highest & lowest weights.  I just don't know them for sure.  I guess my lowest could be said to be 88, but I was shorter then.  And my highest was the year after high school when I gained even more weight.  I could guess I was at least 10 or so pounds heavier than when I started this blog.  I didn't have scales after high school up until a few years ago.

I started to gain weight when I went through puberty, around age 16 (I was later than most, I know).  Before that, I ate junk food (mainly sweets) ALL the time & never gave much thought to my weight.  Even when I stopped eating so many sugary yummies, it didn't matter.  Stupid bastard (puberty) slowed my metabolism down i think.

Do I think I will be happy & normal about food when I reach my goal weight?  No.  I have accepted that I will likely always have some weird relationship with food.  And I know I will still be watching my weight & having to do whatever it takes to keep it down once it is down.  I never want to have it get so high that I have to bring it down so much again.

I try to weigh myself daily, but it usually ends up being multiple times a day.  I count the first weigh in though for records.  After I have woke up & urinated, but before I've done anything or eaten/drunk anything.

Okay, so now you all know!  I feel pretty much like I am telling a secret, which technically I am because aren't women's weight & age supposed to be taboo to ask about?  (lol)  Please, feel free to comment & share your goals (either long-term, short-term, or both), whether you want to say specific weight or just mention how many pounds (or kg) you want to lose.

Foto Friday 1

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My sweet snacks for the week.  Nothing too awful.  Pretzel m&m's (150 cals), vanilla Tootsie roll (240 cals each), Teddy Grahams (130 cals/24 pieces), Gobstopper (60 cals/9 pieces).  And I did well because I still have some left at the end of the week, lol!

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Yummy ice cream I saw yesterday, but did not buy.  I would be too tempted to eat the whole thing!

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Proof that even though I have pictures of, talk & think about junkier food, I do eat things that aren't bad & are healthy (steamed broccoli, 30 cals/cup).  This was my lunch the other day.

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Sunset back at the end of May.

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Just some pretty yellow flowers I saw along the sidewalk when out walking one evening.

I'd like to do Foto Friday (yes, I know photo is spelled wrong, it's just a play on words/letters/whatever, lol) every week, but we'll see.  I'll just say that I will try to do a photo blog every Friday.

Stalker

So, I get pretty bored being unemployed, part of the reason I started this blog (also, to find others to relate to obviously).  But I've created other ways to try to alleviate boredom & thought I would share in case anyone else wants to alleviate boredom with me.  These are all things that can be found on my blog already (such as the sidebar) but I thought I'd gather it all in one spot ('cause I'm kinda dorky like that, lol).

My blog (wasn't gonna link since duh, you're here, but thought aw, what the heck)
Twitter
Formspring (ask me some questions!)
Message me on AIM! (emryelle) (I log in on my phone so I am on frequently)
My email

So yeah, there it is!  Feel free to contact me or whatever at any of these places if you are bored or need motivation/support or wanna vent, whatever!

Losing

So yesterday, my lovely visitor, Aunt Flo, or whatever you want to call it came a knocking.  Stupid bitch, lol.  Actually it was expected & lately I shouldn't complain because since January it's been every 6ish weeks rather than every month.  Which I think has to do with my birth control because a side effect can be that it lengthens your cycles or deletes them altogether.  It's just weird, because I've been on the same b.c. for a few years now & usually it will only do a longer cycle once, maybe twice in a year.  I'm not complaining & I hope it stays this way!

And I see from other blogging chicas that I am not alone, lol.  But enough about that...

I got on the scale a lil worried.  I've been doing well losing the last couple days.  And I should have lost since yesterday, even a bit.  But I felt slightly bloated this morning so I was concerned that I would either be same or have gained.  But I lost again thankfully, & this loss bring me within a half pound of my first goal.  Which is awesome because in the beginning of this go-round I was losing slowly or worse, I was bouncing up & down & barely getting anywhere.

I forced myself onto the elliptical yesterday since I didn't touch it Tuesday (the day of bed).  I did 2 miles, which was more than I felt like doing.  Thankfully yesterday was another low cal-count day.

Well, I think that's it for now, I am going to go browse the 'net some more & than try to be do something at least semi-productive.  I hope you all are having a wonderful day & if not, I hope things look up for you soon!

Bed Day

I spent most of the day in bed.  Not because I was sick or really tired.  Just because I wanted to.  It was a depressed kind of day for me.  It was cloudy & raining on & off.  I had a dream that was basically about me being an outsider to those around me, which I was already feeling, so dreaming about it made it worse.  I felt physically & even a little mentally depressed, but it was mostly physical (like my body was in depression mode).

I am afraid I gained weight today.  I surely hope not.  Even though I only ate around 555 calories I think, I did nothing.  Except run one errand that barely took any energy other than getting in & out of the car.  No toning or elliptical or walks.  So I'm hoping the slightly less caloric intake will magically make up for the serious lack of outtake.

I'm a lil sleepy but I doubt I will be tired enough to sleep any time soon after spending most of the day laying around.  Spending a day in bed does not help with my insomnia.  I was so glad to have new blog posts from others to read while laying here.  That & occasional internet surfing was my day.

I hope everyone's week is going swell & anyone who is fasting or working on any kind of goal is kicking ass at it!

Photo Blog

I was going to do this post last night or this morning, but Blogger wasn't working right for me (as well as many other people & as you may be able to tell from my Tweets earlier over in the sidebar) since yesterday sometime before I tried to do it.  I wasn't able to edit or add posts & I couldn't post comments on other people's blogs (I tried to go back & comment on some though).  But I could see & read new posts from blogs I follow.  It was so annoying & I am glad Blogger straightened it out!

I thought it might be fun to do a post that is pretty much all photos, with a short caption/explanation.  I thought about doing it weekly, like Foto Friday or something, but I decided it'd be easier/better to just do it here & there when I feel like it.

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This is a picture I took at the end of one of my elliptical runs last week.  As you can see, I have an elastic arm band that I managed to put around the elliptical's monitor so I have it handy to change songs or, as seen here, view a slideshow of (thinspo) pictures while listening to music & running.

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These are the yummy pretzel m&m's I tried a few days ago.  The individual size bag only has 150 calories.  They are basically like chocolate-covered pretzels.  I like 'em!

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And here are the Hershey chocolate Twizzlers that are yummy.  Just a bit of chocolate taste & a lot less fattening (than say, a chocolate bar).  3 twists have 130 calories, only 20 of those from fat (2grams of fat).

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These are Barbie shoes that I saw at someone's house & thought were absolutely cute.  Too bad my feet are quite that small, lol.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend & have started out on a successful week! <3

Strangely

So, I bought a new scale today.  And while it gave me a couple different readings, I still think it may be better than the one I already have.  The first time I stepped on it it gave me +.4 from the other readings & then once I stepped on it slightly different it gave me -.2 from them.  But other than that it was more consistent & still less wild readings.  I think part of the reason is that the floor here is uneven.  And the bathroom is one of the worst spots, ugh.  Of course some of the more even areas are in more common areas &/or are carpeted.  But I also weighed in on the dial scale which read about what the first one did.  And I weighed in on my previous one which had readings around the first one.  I know that using 3 scales sometimes instead of sometimes 2 will be common, just because they are there.  But I will likely take the 'word' (number) of the newest since it seems to be more consistent.  At least now I won't have to average out so much like the old digital.

What I was surprised was to see that I supposedly lost .2 since yesterday, according to the new scale & dial (the old digital says I either lost/gained .2 or maintained).  I expected a gain for sure because lately, just ugh, when it comes to eating.

Monday I don't know what my cal count was, but it was likely around 600.  And then Tues & Wed were around 900.  I expected some gain after Thursday because I ate 1200 (& the last 400 were 2 s'mores late on), but I maintained.  Yesterday I really expected a gain because I ate around 1525 (though I suppose the 1200 the day before helped that a bit).

The reason I felt sure a gain was coming is because I ate a late lunch/early dinner at Applebee's.  I had 3 onion rings & 1/3 of my 3 cheese chicken penne (the entire dish is around 1300 cals alone), which I tried to eat the less cheesy noodles, plus the toasted bread (which is only 80cals).  Then on top of that I had random other stuff, but nothing too bad.  About 940 of the day's cals were from Applebee's.  Maybe it helped that I didn't get around to the elliptical until later, around 10pm & ran 5 miles, I don't know.

I did try a couple new things I thought I'd share.  I tried pretzel m&m's, which are good, kinda like chocolate covered pretzels.  An individual bag only has 150cals (& I shared mine so I only ate half).  I also tried hershey chocolate flavored twizzlers, which have just a bit of chocolate taste (where they aren't overly chocolatey to me) & a nice chewy texture (130 cals per 3).  Those are both nice little treats that aren't too 'expensive' calorie-wise.

Also (I know this is getting long), I saw this shirt yesterday & thought you chicas might enjoy it.  Though when I was looking for the link today, I heard the shirt has since been pulled from the online store.

Also, I think sometime in the future I will actually post my actual stats (ugh) & goals but I haven't decided if I'll wait to reach a certain # of posts or if I'll do it when I reach a certain goal.

Hope all of you are having a pleasant weekend & doing swell with whatever your goals might be!  I'm still enjoying reading all the blogs & see new followers & comments on mine.

Weakness

If there were any food in the world that I could choose to be calorie/fat/etc free so that there would be no consequences to my body for eating it, I would pick ice cream.  I love, love, love the friggen stuff.  Some of it isn't so bad calorie-wise, but I don't like to buy it because then I just want to eat, eat, eat it.  And then the calories quickly add up so effen quickly.  Ice cream is one of the things I most debate myself over when in the grocery store because I know I love it but I know that I love it a lil too much.

My favorite flavor, Ben & Jerry's One Sweet Whirled, was retired long ago.  I also love Chunky Monkey & other flavors by them.  I buy Ben & Jerry even less than other ice cream because it's more costly, both monetarily & calories wise.  Other faves are caramel praline, cookie dough, butter pecan, & I could go on & on & on.

I also have a weakness for milkshakes, of course.  Which are even higher in calories.

I'm not big on chocolate.  If I do have chocolate anything, it usually has peanut butter or caramel or something with it.  I don't really care for most chocolate ice creams either.  So take chocolate away from me, and I wouldn't care much (though I'd miss Reese's cups & such).  But ice cream would be what I chose to be my 'free' food to indulge in to my little heart's (& stomach's I suppose) content. <3

What would be your 'free to indulge without consequence' food?

Music Luvah

So I was chosen to do the Music Lover's Award, twice, by Liz & Wren. Awesome! Thanks so much for thinking of me ladies!

The Rules...

1) List your 10 favorite songs on your iPod.

2) State the color of said iPod.

3) Pass the award on to 11 fellow music-loving bloggers.

Picking only 10 songs will be difficult, as I love tons of stuff, so I am just going to list the first 10 I think of.

1. Stairway to Heaven, Led Zepplin
2. Hotel California, The Eagles
3. Drive, Incubus
4. Don't Stop Believin, Journey
5. Scotty Doesn't Know, Lustra
6. I'm Yours, Jason Mraz
7. Running on Sunshine, Jesus Jackson
8. The Mating Game, Bitter:Sweet
9. Waiting for My Ruca, Sublime
10. She Will Be Loved, Maroon 5

My iPod is silver & black, but it has a light pink soft cover on it. I also have a maroon harder case for it with a clip.

And now, the randomly chosen nominees are... (and I realize some have already done it or been chosen, so I guess they are all set & good to go!)

1. Wren
2. Liz
3. Sunflowerrr
4. Skinny Jeans
5. Kelly
6. Sarah
7. Hanz
8. Jessica
9. Sienna
10. M L
11. Anna