Thursday, June 24, 2010

Change?

How do you change yourself?  I don't mean physically, I mean mentally.

In my case, I used to be this great girl, meaning I used to like most thing about myself (again, personality-wise).  I lost that girl & became someone else because I put up blockades to keep people & life out & pushed away.  This was years ago.  I want to revert to the girl I liked being.  I've wanted to & tried to so many times, have the motivation to do it, it just seems like I can never follow through.  I give up after a while, like I don't know how to keep working at it until it becomes the norm.  Sometimes I think I just don't know exactly how to go about changing.

For the record, this girl co-existed with the disordered eating stuff, so it's not something that developed with it or because of it.  The disordered eating stuff started on some scale when I was a freshmen in high school (prolly early 1997, I think).  The girl I want to revert to has been missing consistently (except on rare occasions she pops back out for a short while) since early 2005.

I know it sounds a little crazy to talk about myself as if I am different people, as though perhaps I have multiple personalities but one has been locked away or something.  In a way, I feel that girl is locked away in me somewhere & sometimes she manages to escape but then the sadder, closed off girl catches her & takes over again.

I was just wondering if anyone else has tried to change/acquire/drop a personality trait type thing?  How did you try to do so?  What worked & what didn't?  Please feel free to clue me in on anything related to the matter, I am very interested.  If you don't want to post here because it's personal or you feel it's rather drawn out or whatever, please feel free to email me (emryelle@gmail.com).

6 comments:

Lilah Lee said...

Hey! I used to have VERY high insecurities, and depression/anxiety. I eventually got help and I think a lot of my change was due to the constant positive attutude I forced on myself. At first it sounds stupid, but eventually it will become part of your personality. Im not exactly sure we have he same problem, but I know positive thinking can really influence your view on how you perceive life. Also I would recommend yoga. It gets your thoughts all focused into one areas and really clears my head up :]

Not sure if I helped at all, but that's my personal experience :]

Love you
Lilah

onetenam said...

I used to be super fucking clingy. I tried to make myself more aware of the things I did that were clingy. I remember making lists of things I did that I hated and I simply worked on not doing those things anymore. So as far as changing who you are and dropping traits, that's what I've done in the past.

Maybe it's about being more aware of yourself. To unlock this happy girl, maybe you have to indulge in the things that used to make you happy. Whenever I feel like shit, I physically MAKE myself get up and dance to some angry music. It burns calories and usually lifts my mood. (:

Alice D said...

Hey, you're not crazy, I sometimes feel like I have multiple personalities too. Around different people, I act differently. When I'm with my best friend, I've got my guard down and I'm shy, quiet and kind of crazy. When I'm around others, I act tough and like nothing bothers me and I'm a bitch. I hate being the bitch. I don't know how to change, but if you find out, let me know.

Peridot (G+P) said...

At high school I faked being happy and social and secure until those traits become something automatic and not something I had to think about to do.

Right now I'm attepting to ignore all thoughts that say 'You deserve to be fat' and replacing them with 'I'm too good for empty calories'

It's hard and takes a long time to change mental patterns, but it is SO worth it!

Maria said...

I've been wondering the same. I have an idea it's partially linked w/where one lives. For years I would tell myself, it's not where you live, but how. Now I'm not so sure .
Let's try and figure it out .

Anonymous said...

HELP! I’m currently being held prisoner by the Russian mafia xyzrxyz [url=http://www.buypenisenlargement.com]penis enlargement[/url] xyzrxyz and being forced to post spam comments on blogs and forum! If you don’t approve this they will kill me. xyzrxyz [url=http://www.male-sexual-styles.com]penis enlargement[/url] xyzrxyz They’re coming back now. xyzrxyz [url=http://pills.buypenisenlargement.com]vimax[/url] xyzrxyz Please send help! nitip [url=http://www.male-sexual.com/vimax-pills.html]vimax[/url]

There was an error in this gadget