Secret

I have a secret to tell you, I've not told anyone at all so far.  I'm thinking of running away from home... for a few days.  Can you even do that at my age?  I don't know, but I have all but certainly decided that I am, tomorrow, after work, not coming home for at least a couple days.  The only real hard part for me is that I wouldn't be taking my son, but I know he'll be fine with his daddy & his paternal family for a couple of days.  I'd just miss him terribly.  I'd prolly go stay with a childhood friend a couple hours away.  I don't know that time away will help or worsen anything.  I just don't want to continue feeling like I am sinking & it sounds like a semi-good idea right now.

Weight-wise, is okay.  I gained a bit from Christmas Eve & Christmas but lost almost half of it yesterday & gained 0.2 back this morning (but it's already gone as I haven't had anything other than chewed a piece of gum).

I don't know how much I will be online if I'm away, at least on Blogger.  But if you want to email me because you need to vent or you get bored or for any other reason, feel free.  That is something I can easily check & keep up with from my phone (as well as check comments left for me here usually or Twitter). You can also try texting me at (989) 372-0146.  Of course, anyone is free to contact me at anytime, when I am around or not.  It helps to have people out there, no matter how far or near they are, & rather we know them well (or in person) or not.  I hope to hear from some of you, but I know it's a busy time of year & everyone has other things to do.  But I am here, if you need or want someone to talk to, anytime.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas & the year is ending well!  Good luck with setting new resolutions & goals for the New Year! I <3 you all!!!

Masthur

Happy Christmas Eve Eve!  Whew, longish day kind of.  I am on only my third glass of 'wine' (Arbor Mist, blackberry) & I already feel buzzed.  I think it is largely due to the fact that I never slept last night, started my day about 4:30am (work @ 6am today) & only sorta half napped for maybe 20 minutes this afternoon after returning home from shopping for a few last minute small things after work.  I am sipping that wine & listening to 'Despicable Me'.  My son has been watching it, so it is playing.  I took him to see it (& Toy Story 3, as there are always a double feature) at the drive in theater this summer.  Such a cute movie!  I want a minion for Christmas! ;)

After I got done working, which I got out like 40 minutes late because it was so busy!, I just wanted to go home & lay down.  But it was either go shopping today after work when it's crazy or go before or after work tomorrow when it's worse.  So today it was.

I was going to bake some stuff, but I am totally unmotivated & tired to do so.  I did the dishes though, so at least I did something productive.  Oh well, there will be plenty of goodies (somewhat unfortunately, right?) in the next couple days that it won't matter I didn't bring along anything.

I have a Christmas gathering (my son's paternal grandma's family) tomorrow evening (after a nice 8 hour shift at work, which is on the long side compared to most my shifts).  Then I have Christmas morning at home (mostly just my son opening presents) early, followed by Christmas at my son's paternal grandparents, & another Christmas in the evening on my paternal family side.  And I hope to squeeze in at least a stop at my mom's & possibly a friend's in my hometown before or after it.

Weight-wise is okay.  Upset/depression helped.  I have remet my last goal.  I maintained today, but I think that was in part to having to weigh in so early after doing it so late yesterday because of my sleep sched.  I had a darkish moment at work a couple hours in today but I wrote myself a note: "Remember, anything is possible.  Smile, & make every day count."  So corny, but you know what?  Every time I started to feel down, I pulled it out & it helped.

I love the holidays, mostly.  The whole spirit of it, the decorations, family time.  More so now that I have a little one.  I hope you are all having a wonderful time!  I haven't really gotten any comments lately & I don't know if no one has much to respond to to me or I'm boring or everyone is busy.  I apologize if I made any errors in typing this, I am a lil buzzed & while spelling mistakes get underlined, grammatical & sense-making do not.

I love you all so much!  I hope you are doing swell & enjoying the end of the year, the holidays, & not letting any food/weight thoughts ruin it for you, which I know can be hard with the holiday season.  I would be happy just not to gain for the most part over the next couple days.  To meet another goal by year's end would be fabUlOuS!!! but I don't know.  Anyways, I am babbling.  Cheerio!

Foto &Long

I missed Foto Friday.  Again.  I suck, yes it is true.  In my defense, I have been busy with work all weekend & a friend (former roommate actually) from out of town was visiting Wed-Friday.  Weak excuse, I know.  I also don't have many pics to share.  But I thought I would post a couple since I didn't on Friday.  I also have an actual post to post tonight that may get longish.

Shocking! I scored in the likely/high-risk possibility of having an eating disorder.

Circles on the ceiling of McDonald's. No fret, my dears, I had nothing to eat there, just took the lil one to play in the play area.

Orange 'N Creme Swirl Fruitista Freeze from Taco Bell. So incredibly yummy! At 280 calories (only 20 from fat) for a regular (16oz) size, it isn't the most diet-like drink, but better than many of the food items on their menu.

And now, onto the actual post part.  It isn't actually eating related, really.  And if you skip over it, I totally understand as I sometimes have a tendency to babble & rattle on.

I am at a confused point in life.  This is ongoing & feels stronger at times, but is really a constant.  I have no idea what I want to do career-wise (if given total freedom to choose) despite having my Bachelors degree.  I want to go to grad school eventually, but I haven't a clue as to what I want to study specifically.

But that is not what has made the stronger feeling of confusion come on this round.  It is actually more to do with the romantic-related area of life.  As I have mentioned, I am a mommy, a single mommy.  My son's father is very much involved in his life, physically, emotionally, & financially.  We get along well even though we haven't dated in years, we are friends.  There have been times here & there where it fleetingly seemed like possibly we might get back together & work things out, but it never actually went anywhere.  I will admit that part of this (as well as part of my general confusion of life) is that I am not myself, haven't been in years, although I am for moments from time to time.  Years ago, I put up defense mechanisms to protect myself (such as ways to keep people from getting too close or to push them away or expecting pessimistic outcomes to prepare for bad outcomes) & this obviously caused me to lose who I really was because I became very inhibited (not saying or doing things I want to because I over-think it or think it is out of place in some way).

Anyways, despite the fact that we haven't dated in forever & haven't had any recent moments of 'maybe, just maybe', it is still awkward when he dates someone.  I know neither of us would be happy if we were together right now.  I have too much to work out for myself internally & many other factors.  But I still dislike when he is interested in someone else.  He went out on a first date Saturday night & has a second date on Monday night.  It makes me very sad to even think about any of this.  A large part of it is that he is my son's father & I don't hate him.  I think it's natural that I have feelings for him still, I just wish they weren't so strong and/or confusing.  I would be happy if we somehow magically worked things out or if I could just not care when he dates someone else.  Either option is viable, because either is better than this being stuck in between of not knowing what I want.  At least if I knew I wanted to be with him, I could set about working on getting over the fact that it's not going to happen.

But, like so many other areas of life, I haven't a clue what I want.  I confuse myself, a lot in large part to my defense mechanisms (which I don't encourage or suggest as they sometimes end of getting you hurt anyways instead of protecting you & are very hard to reverse).  I over-think & over-analyze everything.  Insomnia doesn't help.  It sometimes is the result of over-thinking & can also be the cause.  I think I could sleep better if I could just focus my brain (ADD anyone?) & have the ability to shut it off.  Ugh.  Stupid adulthood sucks arse & I often miss the simplicity of childhood.

I want to change back to the real me so much, but I haven't a clue how to do so.  I do some little things here & there but nothing that is consistent and/or huge enough to make a difference.  I have gotten glimpses of 'her' & know she is still inside somewhere, waiting to come out.

"Being aware of your crap & actually overcoming your crap are two very different things."

                    ~Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy

So very true.  I've long been aware of my crap, but have the hardest time overcoming it, following-through on my attempts to do.

So yeah, there is my long babbling post & a couple pics for visual.  I love you all & am so glad I can come here to vent & such, even though I haven't a clue how much/often I'll get read and/or if I will get any feedback.

Hauswak

Hello.  It is nearly 2am & I don't feel like sleep is coming any time soon.  Only a few hours ago, I was exhausted to the point of not being able to keep my eyes open & being quite out of it.  But I guess spending a couple hours in that half-awake but mostly-asleep state screwed me, but it's not like I could help it.  I just finished watching Zombieland.  I <3 Emma Stone.

I've been eating a lot of crap, but I was losing for a few days there despite that, perhaps with the help of the green tea pills & xenadrine.  Until I ate Chinese (honey chicken & fried rice) Saturday & gained 1.2, which I then maintained this morning.  I suck.  I am not sure how my weigh in in the morning will go, any kind of loss would be great.  Any gain would be unappreciated.

Despite this, I have plans to eat horrible tomorrow.  I am craving onion rings from Arby's.  I wanted them for dinner tonight, but I talked myself into waiting since I had already had some junky-ish type food.  I'm prolly going to eat that before work & then try not to eat much else, other than little somethings so I can take pills without having to worry about feeling nauseous.  Luckily I work 6 hours so that should help, especially since I won't need to take a lunch & therefore have less time to think about it.  And hopefully since I work until 9pm, I can keep myself away from eating much of anything after.  Sometimes I am really good about talking myself out of eating late at night, while other times I am horrible at it.

I've gotten 2 new followers since like yesterday!  That's awesome!  I am always excited to see even one new comment or follower when I get on here.  Seriously, I adore it. :)

Brrr is it cold here.  Bah humbug to that, lol.  I can deal with snow (which I love to have for a white Christmas) & even the cold isn't horrible because I can bundle up &/or stay inside.  The worst part about winter, to me, are the awful road conditions that occur.  The other night was horrible driving home because it had rained & turned to snow  the roads were mushy-slushy & I was worried there might be ice patches.  Last night was better, because they were cleared at least (well the highway which most of my traveling was done on was) but it was super windy & really biting cold.

Believe&&Lose: The type of shows we were talking about had to do with drugs, specifically ones that are now illegal but used to be used for remedies & such.  And feel free to butt in, I enjoy any conversing that occurs here. ;)

I hope you are all doing wonderfully & having a great December!  I hope those of you who are in school are doing well with finals & enjoy your upcoming (or already occurring) break. <3

Foto Friday 24

With it being the holiday season & considering we got the tree up last weekend, I thought I would post a few pics of the Christmas tree for Foto Friday this week (plus the lovely Mich mentioned it, so I thought you all might enjoy some).  We have a fake tree, that had the lights already attached so I don't have to string lights.  I don't have any of the whole tree right now because the one I took got deleted off my camera by accident.

Thanks to Cora, Mich, & Sarah for the nice comments on my last post.  And Tracy, I have seen some shows/docs on tv of that sort, so I may have seen that program, but I can't be sure.

Hope everyone had a fabulous week & a wonderful weekend ahead! <3

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 The tree topper.  It is silver but has some greyish blue beads in it too.  This was before it was on the tree & I darkened the background so you could see it a little better.

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My reindeer.  Actually a small stuffed animal that I sit on the tree.

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Clear glass bulb.  The blue one is plastic I believe.  And one of my little silver bells.

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Glass angel.

Burrent

Jeese, I am doing horribly food/weight wise.  Really.  Gained weight recently.  Almost back up to my last met goal before the one I met most recently. :(  I am resetting my most recently met one because of this & the fact that I've been above it for a while (but mainly it had been less than a pound above until the last few days).

I can't even blame it on the holidays, because it has nothing to do with them.  I haven't been to any holiday parties/events or been around people's (or even my own) baking.  I've just been making horrible decisions about what & how often I eat.  I blame myself, but I'm trying not to be too down on myself, because I know that won't help.  I just need to start making better choices.  I'm still taking generic green tea pills (though I am horrible at remember to take them twice a day & every day) & I also dug out the xenadrine that has been in storage for almost a year (so maybe they are expired because they were already not-new before that) because I was recently reminded by Lund3on about them (pretty sure I got mine at Target too, lol), although I haven't taken any yet (at least not since before they were stored away).

Got my tree up this weekend, yay!  Not much else going on, just taking care of the lil one & working the seasonal part time job, plus some Christmas gift shopping here & there.

I hope everyone else is doing great & feeling motivated! <3

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Mich: I adore being short too, I like to jump up on counters & climbing things.  I did know about cocaine being in Coke back in the day.  It's crazy all the drugs that are illegal now that used to be used as medicine to cure things like headaches, colds, etc.

Believe&&Lose: I'm glad you didn't mind my advice about the ipecac.  Hoping you decided not to use it. ;)

Peridot: I actually don't mind sorting things & that once I get myself around to it (meaning I get lazy & procrastinate like everything else, lol).  I think it might be costly to do your attic though, considering the mileage/travel cost alone, lol. ;)

Foto Friday 23

It's Foto Friday & I am posting pictures, hooray!  I like doing Foto Friday & it's especially nice after missing the last couple weeks.  These pics are all from November.  I changed my template so it is now more wintery/Christmasy.  I hope everyone is having a wonderful December & a happy holiday season! <3

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I played MarioKart on Nintendo 64 a few weeks ago for the first time in at least a year or two.  I got 1st place in my first set, yay!

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Granola on my parfait from McDonald's.

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Christmas tree at Wal-Mart.

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I have to wonder if there is actual coke in there.  That's quite a steep price & a fitting slogan, lol.  Punctuation people! ;)

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Snowman at the bar.

Heysa

Wow, it's been like 2 weeks since I posted.  Not that it's a surprise to me, I've realized all along that time that I wasn't posting.  And even though I've not done much commenting, I have been reading your blogs (although I a currently about a day behind from being out of town yesterday & work, etc today).  I wish I could say it was because I was super busy with life or with exercising or something.  Even though I am working for the holidays, I only work part time.  The one thing I was busy with for a few days was sorting through all my stuff that has been in storage for nearly a year.  Like I said, I've been around, just a little less than usual & not able to think of anything to post about (though I wish I would've had picture for Foto Friday @ least one of the weeks I missed).

As of this morning I was 0.2lb above my last met goal, which isn't a big deal except it sucks that I've gained lately, but thankfully not too bad (especially with Thanksgiving & stuff recently).  I had wanted to meet my next goal by now, but I guess now I shall attempt to get it by Christmas/New Year's Eve.  I may have gained weight today, but as of this morning, my next goal would be 4.2lb away.

Thanksgiving was good, I went to my son's grandparents (because they live only a mile away), which also meant minimal leftovers (that were sent home with us).  Then I had to go to work that night until early morning for Black Friday.  There was a huge table of food there for break time, but I ate minimally really (mostly because I was still somewhat full from Thanksgiving lunch).

My 10-year reunion was Saturday night.  Kinda hard to believe it's been 10 years, both ways: sometimes it seems less & others it seems more.  It went well, I gotta to see a few friends I still am in contact with but don't see often because we all live all over now.  And I got to see some other people from my class, so that was cool.  I went to my hometown for it but didn't have time to see my family.

Today I had to work 4 hours, then I went browse-shopping (kind of like window shopping, but not looking through windows, lol) & had an early dinner @ Applebee's (I had 3 cheese chicken penne & an oriental chicken salad, somewhat luckily it was some all you can eat pick & pair lunch things & I was quite full after just the first serving, & each item was "lunch-sized" so not as huge as normal).

So yeah, that's what I've been up to, nothing super exciting.  I am hoping to get more hours with the retail season picking up.  I want to make some money while I have a job (& hopefully will find another one to line up before this is over) & it helps keep me busy (away from food & standing most of the time).


<~Random image from Googling.

I hope everyone is doing well!  Please let me know how you've been or say hi even, lol.  I've missed posting & commenting, but I am glad I have at least been able to keep up with reading your beautiful blogs.  I hope those who celebrate had a wonderful Thanksgiving & are enjoying the start of the holiday season (I know the food part can suck, but I like the other parts like decorations, the spirit of it, family, etc & even baking for others).

StandTea

A little thinspo (kinda) to get the post started.  This is a screen shot of the November (so far) archive of my tumblr.  As you can see, there are a lot of thinspo posts.  I try to post thinspo a few times a week & usually a few at a time.  Some are from the folder on my computer, some are ones I came across on the net at that time, & others are reblogs from tumblr.  So if you ever want to go check it out, go for it (lol)!  I obviously post it there more than on the one page I have here that I only update with a few pics every month or so.  It's much fresher & ongoing over there.

Anyways... pretty uneventful weekend really, & week as well, but I suppose that can be a good thing.  Especially compared to a drama filled one.  I started a temporary/holiday job.  It's barely any hours/week, but it is at least something.  It distracts me too.  It helps me not eat during that time, because I haven't brought in anything with me & I have stayed away from the vending machines.  It's too bad the shifts aren't longer, lol.  But then again if they were, I would prolly have to take a lunch break & that is a waste of time, right?  What would I do?  Eat?  Pretty likely, so boo to that.  If I do ever have any longer shifts I will have to bring something to do along (read, crossword, whatever) or stay busy on my phone.

The scale has been decently nice to me this week.  I have been somewhat slowly going down, but I will take what I can get.  Yesterday I hit a new (known) year low & today I beat that.  Hopefully that keeps up.  I did a few 24 hour fasts, which helps a bit, even though I eat a small meal type inbetween.  One day I ended up having 2 because I got a last minute (had to go) invite to dinner at family's.  It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just literally finished my fast break.  Or not touched the second biscuit (I am a sucker for carbs, especially in the form of rolls, noodles, etc).  I maintained from that, so it wasn't too awful.

I also bought some green tea pills (generic mega T) yesterday, right before work.  I took one then & then one this afternoon (supposed to take 2, one in morning & then afternoon).  Yesterday I didn't get tired at work, despite standing the whole time (6 hours minus one 15 min break) & it being during the evening when I usually hit my lull when I get tired but it's too late for a nap & too early for bed.  And today I didn't notice much tiredness either, & a few moments a lil... I don't know the word, it's almost jittery but not, almost like the step before, if that makes sense.

I used my elliptical this week!  Yay! I did 2 miles 5 days, none on Friday, & only 1 today.  Plus I worked 6 hour shifts Friday (with no break other than to pee & get a drink from the water fountain) & Saturday (one 15 min break) where I was standing the whole time.  Mostly just standing in place, but it's something I suppose.

I hope you are all doing fabulous!  I've noticed some people are having a rough time while others seem to be doing quite well.  I enjoy any type of blog posts (of course I don't want you to be upset in any way, but if you are, I am glad you can vent on blogger & hopefully it will help in some way).  Have a wonderful week! :)

Foto Friday 22

This week's Foto Friday is another themed one!  I took pictures during my quick stroll through the grocery store Thursday evening to share with you.  Don't fret, there aren't any super-bad-but-yummy treats ahead.  I would say everything is pretty safe.

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Fish in the aquarium.  I have no idea how many calories since I don't eat goldfish & the like. (Didn't buy any either.)

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I thought these were the cutest cans! I loved when the soda companies came out with the mini 8oz, theses are slightly less, but they are a bit taller & thinner (fitting, huh?). Good size to stick in your purse or book bag or something. 0 cals. (Didn't buy these.)

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Go-Gurt! This is mostly for my lil man, but still yummy!  70 cals per tube.

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I love these because you get a yummy (but not so sweet it might make you eat a bunch of sweets) cookie & a fortune!  A serving size is 5 & only has 130 calories (or 26 each).  I usually just eat one here & there when I have them.

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I didn't buy this, but I walked past it & thought of my lovely readers/bloggers! I actually have some of this already.

I purchased 3 items: go-gurt, fortune cookies, & I also bought a big ole bag of generic froot loops that I didn't take a picture of.  But those are pretty much totally for lil man anyways.  I hope everyone is having a great week & I hope November is turning out to be an awesome month for you all!  And if not, I hope it turns around soon! <3 you all! :)

Confestions

Confestions = confessions + questions, get it?  Yeah, I'm a lil dorky at times. :-P  I've had this done for a lil while, just needed to finish up a couple small things to post it.  Kept forgetting or having other posts though.  This might be kind of long...

Random stuff about me...

*I was a cheerleader for both football & basketball for 3 years (8th-10th grade).

*I ran track in high school, all 4 years.  I originally joined to have something to do in the spring sports season, but ended up loving it even though I wasn't very good.  I mostly ran sprints (100m, 200m) at first, but eventually I did the 100m & 800m, & also occasionally relays.  I tried long jump (because my coach made me), but having short legs doesn't help you jump far, plus it messed with my knee.

*The above mentioned knee injury was actually from a 4th grade winter recess game of kickball, when I went to take off from 2nd base, I slipped & hit my knee on the patch of ice on the base.  It rarely bothers me though.

*I don't actually hate food, as much as I wish I did though.  I hate what it does.  It makes me gain weight/fat, crave it, & it taunts me.

*I chose to major in psych because it was the only subject in high school (& that class was only half a year long) that I had any further interest in.  I still haven't a clue what I want to do in the field.

*I chose my minor to be sociology simply out of convenience.  I already had almost enough credits to do so, so I went ahead & finished them up.

*If I could choose any food to be calorie/fat free (& still taste the same), I think it would have to be ice cream.

*I'm short, as many may know since my height is over in the side bar.  I'm less than 5'.  I love it!  I know a lot of shorties don't, but I've never had a problem with it & wished to be taller.  It's much easier to hem pants or get a stool (verses pants being too short or having to constantly duck under stuff).

*I don't think this has been addressed on here before, but the name of my blog/my screen name is totally unrelated to my actual name.  I just thought it sounded pretty & wanted something unrelated so that people in my offline life wouldn't stumble across this stuff too easily.

Reader suggestions/questions...

Almost.Skinny:

What are you dreams like? do you dream in colour/bw.. slow/fast/normal.. can you control them? are you aware you're dreaming? 

I don't remember my dreams for the most part.  Sometimes I wonder if I dream less because of my sleep issues (especially the waking up a lot part since it seems I'd be less likely to get to the dream point of sleep.  Of those I remember, my dreams are usually in color, normal speed.  I don't recall really being able to control them but there are many times I am aware I am dreaming.

Do you have any quirks? 

I'm sure I do.  Lots, lol.  To name a couple... I always have to check the door a few times to make sure it's locked, even if it means coming back around the block (or a few).  Same thing with candles & hair styling tools being out/off.  I have to have covers when I go to bed, blanket or sheet or whatever, even if it's barely covering me.

Whats your fave food/exercise? 

My favorite food, I have so many, unfortunately, lol.  I think ice cream is definitely up there though.  My fave exercise would prolly be when it isn't purposed for that, like going for a random walk, out dancing, etc.

What were your eating habits like as a child?

Picky.  I am & always have been a picky eater, there are just a lot of things I don't like.  Although I am better now about trying new things or things that I didn't like when I was younger.  I ate whatever I wanted when I was younger, mainly sweets, without consequences, up until around puberty.

Mich: What was your biggest fear when you were seven-ish years old?

I don't remember.  I remember that I was worried my house/apt would catch fire & I would lose all my stuff quite often when I was younger.  My mom was pregnant around that time too & I wanted her to have a boy so I wouldn't have to share my room (though I guess I didn't fear it).

Recent questions from Formspring...

French Fries or Curly Fries? (TankSanchez)

The only time I really get curly fries is once in a great while at Arby's, but I do love them, I just have french fries more often.

2012, do you believe the myth? (TankSanchez)

I figure it's possible but it's also possible that it isn't true at all.  Only time will tell & there's no reason to worry about it right now.

Do you get on with your parents? (disorderedghost)

I assume this is asking if I get along with my parents, & yes, I do.

longest time you've been off school? why? (disorderedghost)

I took 3 years off between high school & college because I was absolutely bored with school & was afraid I would fail out or quit if I went right away.

most anoying thing about the internet? (disorderedghost)

Improper word use (your/you're, their/there, etc) & reading stuff overly written/typed in text mode (all shortened, letters left out, etc).

can you do the rubiks cube? (disorderedghost)

Never solved it. Don't have the attention span.

longest time you've fasted for? (disorderedghost)

Just over 4 days.  104 hours I think it was.  Fasted on water & diet soda & maybe some gum.  Back in either late 2000 or early 2001.

restricting or fasting? (disorderedghost)

Restricting, so my metabolism doesn't shut down & so I don't get too weak to care for my son (anything else I could care less about, I would push through but that is one thing I won't sacrifice or have to worry about).

favourite low cal snack? (disorderedghost)

Saltines. I don't know it they are my favorite taste wise, but they are 60 cals per 5 (usually), they don't trigger me to eat other things & they are a quick way to quiet hunger or nausea.

So there ya have it!  If you have any more questions, now or at any time, feel free to ask.  You can comment on here or email me or use social media.  I hope you all enjoyed learning a bit about me! <3  Have a great day/night! :)

Foto Friday 21

So, it's actually Saturday I know.  But yesterday got away from me.  I had orientation of a job (it's only a seasonal part time job, but it's better than the nothing I've had recently) & even after that I wasn't home for any amount of time until almost midnight.  But I am posting Foto Friday this week, that's good (I hope)!

Since my success last weekend, I have gained 1.2lb over my Halloween met goal. :( Boo.  Gotta get back on track.  Gonna try to do alright this weekend  then kick it back up on Monday.  Hopefully.  Maybe I need a Twitter or email pal or something, lol.  I'm sure it will help at least somewhat to have even a part time job, to occupy some of my time.

I hope you are all doing splendidly!  And hopefully November is going great for you goals & plans thus far.

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Pumpkin donuts from around Halloween.  They were in the kids tray.  They were decently small too, & so cute!

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I hadn't seen these in years & found them last year (I think) when I took my son to Toys R Us to spend his birthday money.  Last time I went in, I couldn't find any but then a few days ago I was in there & found them again.  I also love Chewy Gobstoppers but I haven't seen them in years.

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 This picture is on the side of the SpongeBob Squarepants Operation game.  Lil strange, lol.

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I just like the smiley face they made on this juice box (the juice is yummy too).

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I hate cold weather, especially when it gets really cold.  But I love Christmas & I love a white Christmas even more.  I love the decorations.  This is part of the Christmas section/set up at Menards.

HallOctWeen

I have been away for a while.  Well, not really away, I've still been reading other blogs & leaving comments (especially last night & today), but I haven't posted.  I know I missed Foto Friday too.  Friday was just an awful day for me mentally & I didn't do much of anything.  I didn't forget about it, I just wasn't up for it.  It luckily lasted mostly just that day & I am alright now.

I had mentioned before that I thought I might post the chart from the Excel file I use to track my weight.  So here is October's.

By the way, each horizontal line is 2 pounds.  The steeper drop at the end can be explained by fasting.  The first fast started Thurs, Oct. 28 @ 10:30p & lasted until Sat, Oct. 30 @ @;30p (40 hours).  I spent a lot of Saturday morning in bed because I didn't feel well (due to fasting), upset tummy & lightheadedness/nausea when I got up for more than like 30 seconds.  I then took a 20 minute break to eat 2 slices of toast w/ spray no cal butter & a 16oz Pepsi (340 cals total).  I started fasting again at 2:50p & went for 24 hours.  Sunday I had a small bowl of mac & cheese for lunch.  Dinner was sloppy joe's, rice & chips.  Plus I had candy from my son's trick or treating.  I thought I would have gained at least a pound, but I only gained 0.2lb, which shocked me (happily).

I also met my next weight goal, assuming it sticks (so far it's been yesterday & today).  I met it yesterday, on Halloween, like I had hoped but before the weekend (with fasting) didn't think would happen.  So yay!  I would love to reach my next one by the time my 10 Year Reunion rolls around (planning on going if I can), which is the Saturday after Thanksgiving (Nov. 27th).  Even though it's only a few pounds, there are some obstacles in the way.  Aside from the possible regular daily (or nightly) struggles at times, I have my son's birthday on Wednesday (I can't believe I will have a 5 year old!) & Thanksgiving right before.  I'm a little more worried about the day to day though.  Because if I can do well on the other days, then perhaps I can make up for whatever happens on those days.

Hope you all had a wonderful Halloween, for those of you who celebrated.  I took my son trick or treating.  I didn't dress up, unless you count that I was wearing his firefighter hat, because it kept falling off him.  And I had a green glow bracelet, lol.  I would love to dress up, if I ever go to another Halloween party or something.

So, that's what I've been up to & what is going on with me.  I hope you are all doing well & ready to rock November like a rockstar with all your goals & plans (weight & otherwise)!  Thank you all for reading & leaving me comments, & for having wonderful blogs for me to read! <3

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Peridot: I love white Christmases.  I have spent a few in Florida where it's warm & doesn't snow, which was nice too.  But the Christmas during the 14 months I lived there was so weird, not to have any snow at all during the holiday season.  I hope you do get to see one sometime!

Mich, Piglet, Lund3on, Tracy, Jd, Sarah, Lilah Lee, Stick Thin: Thank you all for the compliments!  You are all lovely chicas!

Mich: I got that necklace on eBay actually.  I was just searching for fairy or Tinkerbell necklaces or something I think.  I got it a few years ago, but there are still some one there.

Foto Friday 20

I hope you are all having swell weeks & fantastic weekends ahead!  Be strong & smile! :)

It's Foto Friday, but not just any FF... it's my 20th FF!  I kinda liked how I did a theme sorta a couple weeks ago based on stuff I saw in Target, so I thought I might do theme-like FF's from time to time.  I am doing one this week, as well as posting more than I usually do.  It is in celebration of my 20th FF AND having gotten (over)100 followers!  All of the pictures except the chart (screen capture) & last one (camera) were taken with my phone (which is typical for my pics since they load faster & stuff) so that is why the quality may not be the best.  These pictures are a little more personal than a lot that I post, I suppose, as they are all very related to me.  I might take them down (or at least some) at some point because, well, the personal nature of them, like if by some random chance someone I knew came across them or whatever.  Anyways, I hope you enjoy them! <3

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This is one of my favorite necklaces, I've had it for a while.  I believe I got it at Aeropostale.

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This is my journal/diary of sorts.  Except really all I use it for is to keep track of stuff.  What I ate, any exercise I might have done, places I went, pills I took, etc each day.

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This is a pink football that was on the t-shirt I wore today.  I thought it was cute, plus since it's National Breast Cancer Awareness Month & there seems to be pink all over (including the NFL), it's fitting, lol.  It looks like an old shirt, but it's really not.  It pretty much came that way, you know, the distressed style, I guess.

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Toast with spray butter (0 cals) & a touch of raspberry jam.  My fave is strawberry, but it was either raspberry or orange marmalade (which I've yet to try).  This was my Thursday night dinner.

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Another one of my favorite necklaces, even though I don't wear it much.  Sometimes I put the smaller one on the chain instead of the bigger one which is supposed to be on it.

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I use Microsoft Excel to keep track of my weight.  I have it set up to automatically chart it as well.  It also finds my average, lowest, & highest weights for the month as I enter each day.  [I'm thinking I *might* start posting these after each month is complete, maybe, to possibly motivate myself.]

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This is my favorite picture frame.  As you can prolly tell, I blocked the pic that is in it.  It is a black & white picture I took of me & my lil man on his 2nd birthday.  I think this frame was like $5 @ Target!

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And yes, this is me (I am a ginger, lol).  And if you notice, I am wearing the first necklace I posted.  Not a great pic, but better than a lot I have, lol.  I don't like to be in pictures, I prefer to take them (which I did take this one, but I'm in it so...).  Sorry about the sideways glance & it being cropped (my lil man was in this pic originally too).


<3 & :) to you all!

Winlea

I have no idea what I am going to blog about, but I felt like blogging.  I suppose I could start with a little progress update.  As of Tuesday morning, I am -0.2 from my last met goal.  May have messed that up a little today, not sure.  I expect either a small gain or tiny loss or maintain in the morning.  I would obviously prefer the loss (actually, I would prefer a magical huge loss, but I'll take what I can get).  I did another whole half mile on the elliptical today!  Looking back at that last sentence sounds funny... saying "whole half" I mean.

Hmmm... I wish I had more fun stuff to talk about, but I don't.  I had an uneventful day, I only left the house to take my son to/from school & stopped by the gas station on the way to picking him up (for a fountain Sprite, which is bad, I know, but fountain soda sounded so good & like I've said before, it's better for me to give in to some cravings before they grow into a binge from being ignored).  There are lots of pretty leaves!  Last week they really started falling, it was raining colored leaves.  I do like fall, I just hate that it means winter is on it's way.  I only hate winter because it gets super cold sometimes & the roads can be nasty.  I do enjoy having a white Christmas, it is a nice benefit of living somewhere with a colder climate for winter.

I have a class reunion coming up, right after Thanksgiving.  Can't believe it's been so long.  Yeah, I'm an old fogey kinda, lol.  It will be my 10 year.  I am hoping to go, but it will depend on what else is going on & if I have the money (it's in my hometown, which is a 2 hour drive).  We had a 5 year, but I didn't go.  I hadn't planned on going because it was only a few days before my due date & it ended up being the same evening I got out of the hospital after having my baby.

Ho hum.  I guess that's all for now, think I am going to go catch up on my blog reading.  I hope you are all having a wonderful week so far & rather you are or not, I hope the rest of the week goes splendidly for you. <3

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Kristina: Teen Mom is like a spin-off.  It follows Maci, Farrah, Catelynn, & Amber (girls from season 1 of 16 & Pregnant) as teen moms.

Almost.Skinny: Thanks!  I try not to question it too much, it's just weird, lol.  I've learned that weight/loss/etc can be tricky/weird like that though.  Glad it's in my favor this time!

Sarah: I'd like to give up job hunting for a while because I won the lottery.  But since I am screwing that up by not playing the lottery or entering sweepstakes, I guess I'll keep trying for the job thing. ;) Thanks!

Gracile: Thank you!  I wish weight would just magically disappear no matter what I ate or when I didn't exercise, that would be the best gift ever!

Reznin

I'm sitting here, watching the season finale of Teen Mom.  I haven't seen it yet.  I haven't seen the episode before this either, but oh well.

So, as of this morning, I am at only .2lb above my previously met goal.  Somehow I lost .8lb at weigh-in this morning & yesterday.  I haven't been eating too carefully (unfortunately) but I guess something is working in my body properly or something.  Only hope it doesn't go back up.  It might tomorrow morning, but as long as it isn't too much, it'll be okay.  I would love to meet my next goal by Halloween or the week immediately following.  It's only 3.2 away from this morning's weight, so it's not crazy unless I do have a bigger gain in the morning or some other day(s).

I actually got on the elliptical yesterday.  Shocking, I know.  I only did a half mile but I guess it's better than nothing.  And Friday afternoon I went on about a mile bike ride, but it was slow pace because I was with kiddos.  I'd like to start getting on the elliptical more, even if it's only occasional & it's small amounts, because it's better than what I've been doing these days.

I wish I had a job.  I hate being broke & hate being bored.  I had an interview recently that seemed like it went really well but I am guessing not since it was over a week ago & I didn't hear anything so I called yesterday & they said they sent me a card, which is undoubtedly not good.  Oh well, guess I am meant to find something else.  I'm not even trying to get a job in my field of study because I know it's unlikely since I have no experience for the jobs that are out there.  I do apply to the ones I see usually, just in case someone wants to take a chance.  You never know & it doesn't hurt to try, right?  I had thought maybe if I could get a job, any job, like a cashier or something, then maybe I could do some volunteer work that was field related to help me get some experience (plus the whole getting to volunteer thing is cool).

I think that's all I am going to babble on for right now.  I had an 1.5 hours of sleep around 6am this morning & was sleepy & dozing off quite a bit throughout the day, but of course, now that it is night time & the lil one is in bed & all, I am waking up just a bit to where I won't fall asleep soon.  Ridiculous, but not surprising.  I accepted my weird insomniac issues long ago, because there isn't much other choice.  Over-the-counter stuff doesn't help or any other methods I've tried, & the only prescriptions I can get would be ones that would knock me out which I don't want because of my little one.

I hope you all had fantastic weekends!  And wonderful weeks ahead!  I think I am going to go catch up read all of your lovely blogs from today now.  Ciao! <3

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First, I wanted to say thank you to all of you who have left sweet & encouraging comments! <3 I can't even list everyone because there are so many of you lovelies who have done so & it warms my heart to read your comments!  I adore you all for reading & commenting, more than I can say.  Thank you, so much!

Almost.Skinny: Thanks for the recipe for the sprite-type drink! Perhaps I shall have to try it sometime.

Isobel: I'm not a big milk drinker, other than when it is strawberry, sometimes chocolate, vanilla (Nestle made a bottled version, haven't looked for it in a while) & banana would be good too!

Foto Friday 19

I hope you are all having a splendid day (or night)!  And I hope you are doing well with whatever plan/goal you have going on.  I am very slowly moving down the last 2 days, but that's surely better than going up anymore or even staying the same.  Have a wonderful weekend! <3

 I can't take any credit for this picture.  I got it from an application on my phone that has a bunch of pictures you can set as your background.  This is the one I am using right now.  Very fall-ish!

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Seagull prints on the beach.

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 Overlooking/looking out at Lake Michigan.

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I saw these in the grocery store today & they look so yummy!  Anyone tried these?  I didn't check the nutritional info, but I think I might have to so I can try them.  Wish I could just find an individual size pack so I wouldn't have a whole box around.

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 Pretty yellow flowers (also at the store) from me to you!

Quilly

Hello all!  I just finished catching up on reading all of your lovely blogs.  I was about 2 days behind & I read some last night & the rest today.  I didn't have time to comment, but I did read them.  I hope those of you who have been having a rough time, rather it be with binges or life in general or whatever, I hope things have gotten better or do very soon! <3

I am doing crappy.  Well, weight-wise.  Which of course makes me feel guilty & stuff.  But I'm trying to turn it around & not get so bogged down in it that I just give up.  Today has been alright so far.  It is nearly 2pm & I just ate for the first time today.  I had a s'more (160 cals) which may not be the best choice, but sounded so good & I know (for me) it is better to give into a craving (when I can still control it) then to let it linger & get out of control & cause a binge.  Besides, the chocolate is the only part that's bad, really, the way I rationalize it, because graham crackers & marshmallows have little fat.  I am also drinking a Juicy Juice box (orange tangerine, 110 cals), my last one. :(  My weight was up 2.6lbs this morning from my last reached goal.  It's been moving up there for almost a week now (so it wasn't sudden, just day after day of bad choices).  I must get it down because if I reach +3 or my weight stays up too long, I have to reset the goal (& as I've mentioned, I've already reset this goal a few times).  Before I ate/drank I was down 0.6lb already because some stuff finally moved out (ew, I know, but it's true).

I'd like to reach my next goal by the end of the month or very early November.  Which isn't too crazy, it'd be a 5.6 loss from this morning'a weight.  But I seem to have been stuck around the past reached goal (which is part of why it's been reset multiple times, because I get back over & stay over it) for months.  Boo.

I have a few more things from formspring I want to answer & add onto my answer/confession blog then I will post it.  And I have to go back to my comments & answer the couple of suggestions I did get.  If you got anything else to throw at me, have at it & I will add that in too!

I hope you are all having a wonderful Wednesday!  I hope to keep up on blogs so I can comment more, I love to leave comments as much as I love getting them! <3 :)

Foto Friday 18

Again, I just wanted to say thank you to all of my readers & followers for helping me reach 100 (102 now) followers!  You are all awesome (& not just because ya follow me ;) of course).  Also, I wanted to ask once more for any questions or suggestion of things you might wanna know about me/stuff in my blog, as first mentioned in this post here.  I have already started the answers/confessions from the couple of suggestions I did get in comments & from some recent formspring questions.

Today's Foto Friday has a theme, sort of.  All of these pictures are from Target, from Thursday, when I stopped in to wander around.  Enjoy!

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 Papa Smurf tote bag.  I used to watch the Smurfs every Saturday morning (on regular tv too, not cable) when I was a wee little girl (yes, I am older)!

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 Cute clearance travel/suitcase I came across.  Comes with a little toiletry bag & drawstring bag.  Wish I could justify buying it, but I'm broke & don't travel as much as I wish I did.  Someday I will get me a smaller suitcase like this though (right now I have a huge one I store stuff in & then various size duffel bags for when I do go anywhere).

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 There is a huge Halloween sign on the wall, with all Christmas stuff below it.  Confusing holidays?  Prolly not, but I thought it was slightly humorous.  They do have a couple Christmas aisles, but still tons of Halloween ones, just not under this huge sign.

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Orange Tangerine Juicy Juice boxes.  So yummy!  110 cals per box.  I admit, one of these really only lasts me a couple minutes or so because I suck them right down, but oh well.

I hope you all had a lovely week & an exciting weekend ahead!  If anyone is having a bad time, please know that it will get better.  I know that can be easy to forget when things are rough & only seem to get rougher, but eventually things have to go back up!  If you ever need to vent or talk to someone, feel free to email me.

I <3 you all!!!